The Fellowship and the Carribean
by hobbitgirls
Summary: The fellowship, 4 fangirls, and a cruise to the Carribean. Oooo...bad combo! Drunken elves, naughty Rangers....no wonder it's rated PG-13! And it has NOTHING to do with POTC, FYI.
1. Default Chapter

The Fellowship of the Carribean  
  
Chapter 1: It's fun torturing Alex  
  
A/N~ Howdy. Welcome back for another fic. I don't have an author's note for this chapter so I'll shut up now. Oh, BTW, for those just joining us, this is the 5th fic that we have written, so you might need to go back and read them. Not sure if it'll make sense either way, but at least you'll have a basic understanding.  
  
Disclaimer:  
  
Aragorn: We're baaaaaaaack!  
  
Boromir: Did you miss us?  
  
Me: Of course they did, guys. That's why they're reading this!  
  
Aragorn & Boromir: Oh. Right.  
  
Me: *Rolls eyes* We don't own anything, except myself, Vanessa, Courtney, Kitty, and Alex. (A little side note, I think I was sick when I wrote the beginning of this chapter and since it had no impact on anything else I cut it, so yeah.)  
  
"OK, everyone ready?" Courtney asked from the driver's seat of her Chevy Trailblazer (I know I changed her car, Vanessa, but I like this one better.). It was the Monday after Graduation, so we were ready for summer to officially start. Vanessa and I assured her we, at least, were ready. For our summer vacation, or the beginning, at least, we taking a cruise to the Carribean! We were all set on working on our tans, and maybe finding some cute guys on board...  
  
"Why can't we take my slugbug?!" Kitty demanded to know from the passenger's seat. (That just seemed to fit her personality- a slugbug, that is.)  
  
"Kitty, we wouldn't fit with all of our luggage," I reminded her.  
  
"Yeah, that's right. That's why we can't. I knew I forgot why," Kits replied. (She has the memory like that of a goldfish- 3 seconds.) "Anyhoo, yes, I have everything. Everything except for my Leggy!" she sobbed. Then she grinned, embarrassed. "Sorry about that; hormones."  
  
Court rolled her eyes. "Let's go."  
  
.~*~.  
  
It was beautiful and peaceful in Lothlórien, except where the Fellowship was. Legolas was chasing the hobbits, who had decided to play keep away...with Legolas's shampoo (they ran outta real poo, ^.^). (I'm really sorry about that! I couldn't resist! I was hyper when I wrote this. That's my defense and I'm sticking to it!)  
  
"Give that back!" Legolas screamed at the hobbits while the Men looked on and laughed.  
  
"Give what back?" Merry asked innocently, hiding the shampoo behind his back, as he nodded to Pippin, his partner in crime. Making sure that Legolas didn't turn around, Pippin grabbed the conditioner.  
  
"Frodo!" the youngest hobbit yelled. "Catch!"  
  
The eldest hobbit caught the conditioner as Sam received the shampoo from Merry, and ran with it like a football. There was only one problem: he didn't see a root that jutted out of the ground, ever so little, but enough to trip someone. Frodo hit the root, running as fast as he could, stubbing his toe and flying into Gimli.  
  
"Bloody hobbits!" he muttered before getting up and walking off. He meandered (I used a vocab word!) into Galadrial's "mirror room" by accident. He wandered over to the birdbath-looking mirror and gazed in. Unwittingly, he dropped the 3 hairs that Galadrial gave him into the water. Not knowing Galadrial's warning (Do NOT touch the water!!), he foolishly reached into the cool, clear water and retrieved his hair and instantly Lothlórien was gone! (I know, clichéd, but gimme a break, I'm tired!)  
  
.~*~.  
  
"Wow! This is nice!" Kitty exclaimed as we checked out her room. All of us had our own rooms as we had somehow managed to come up with a lot of money.  
  
"Let's go check out mine!" I cried, eager to put down my luggage (I have a problem with overpacking), and see what my room looked like. As I semi- bolted out of the room, I ran smack into Alex!  
  
"Alex! What are you doing here?!" I yelped as he helped me off the floor.  
  
"I'm going to go explore the ship."  
  
I raised my eyebrow; Alex exploring? Yeah, right. With how much that boy likes to eat, I doubted it.  
  
"OK! I'll tell you. I'm looking for the food places! (Do they have restaurants on ships or are they called something else?) But since I found you --"  
  
"Correction- 'y'all'", I told him.  
  
"- Y'all, I'll help you find your rooms," he informed me.  
  
"Before you go ransack the kitchens," I finished for him. "Kitty'll help you there. She's got cravings up the wazoo! Court! Your room's right here." Her room was next to Kitty's.  
  
"Found ours, Christy!" Vanessa said. Vanessa's was across from Kitty's and next to mine, which was across from Courtney's. (So, essentially, Kitty's room is next to Courtney's, whose is across the hall from mine and mine is next to Vanessa's. Vanessa's is, therefore, across from Kitty's. Basically, we're all right next to each other. I confused Vanessa, so I'm trying to correct that.)  
  
"Cool," Alex commented as I unlocked my door.  
  
"What's so cool?" Courtney asked.  
  
"I'm y'all's neighbor. Howdy, neighbor," he said as he high-fived me.  
  
"What do you mean?" I asked, praying that he meant only that he was on the same deck, or, at the very least, on the other side of Vanessa or Kitty. Heck, he could even be next to Court, just please, not next to me.  
  
"That's my room." He pointed to the one next to mine, as my worst fear was confirmed. "Now I can hang out with the four of you!"  
  
"Great!" I rolled my eyes. I mean, don't get me wrong, he's one of my friends, but having him 'live' next to me...I dunno.  
  
"Great!" He rolled his eyes as well, mocking me. Then he playfully hit me and I hit back, which led to one of the little fights we constantly get into. (We got so bad my second-to-last day of school, I think it was, that our English teacher yelled at us to 'stop acting like children' b/c we were driving her nuts! Hehehe!)  
  
"Oww!" he yelped as I dug in my nails, in response to his attempt to do the same to me. Yeah, right, his little nails hurt me? (I have really long nails, BTW)  
  
"Give up?" I asked.  
  
"Yes!" he said after about 5 minutes of pain.  
  
"I win! Yea!"  
  
"Let's go get some food!" Kitty interrupted my victory celebration.  
  
"Sounds good to me," Vanessa agreed.  
  
.~*~.  
  
"Now what do you want to do?" Alex asked. We were all hanging out in Vanessa's room. I looked at Kitty and mouthed, "Should I?" and she nodded in response.  
  
"We're gonna watch LotR!" I answered and watched the happy look on his face fade.  
  
"You're joking, right?" he inquired.  
  
"Nope," Courtney joined in.  
  
I guess I should explain something really quick. Alex has this strange affliction which causes him to be abnormal. His disease is that he will not read or watch LotR. He even rolls his eyes and scoffs when you mention it, and also made fun of my LotR soundtracks! I know! He needs help!  
  
He tried to get up and run, but Courtney, Vanessa, and Kitty forced him down into a chair, while I turned on the DVD.  
  
.~*~.  
  
Midway through (We were on the Council of Elrond), we heard familiar voices in the hall.  
  
"What new devilry is this?! Where are we?!" one voice demanded.  
  
"I know not, but however we got here, I didn't do it!" a gruff voice returned.  
  
"That was Pincushion Boi and Gim-Gim!" Vanessa cried, and the three girls released their grips on Alex, who immediately attempted to run again.  
  
"Ah! I'm surrounded!" he cried as he opened the door to face the Fellowship. "First they force me to watch that movie and now there's LotR (I didn't feel like typing it out) wannabes in the hall!"  
  
Legolas was the first to look in the room and see us. He promptly shoved Alex outta the way and ran to Kitty.  
  
"Kitty!" Leggo cried and swept her into his arms and kissed her hard. He suddenly seemed to remember that she was with child and loosed his grip. "How's the baby?"  
  
"The baby's fine, honey, and so am I," she replied.  
  
"That's good." He kissed her again.  
  
By the time this exchange had happened the other guys had figured out that we were there too.  
  
"Christy!!" Merry cried, dropping the conditioner bottle he had received from Frodo and tackled me.  
  
"Hi," I greeted him, well as much as I able to as he kissed me.  
  
"Aragorn!!" Vanessa shouted and jumped into his arms.  
  
"Umm...Vanessa...honey...do you think you could loosen your grip? I can't breathe," Strider gasped.  
  
Pippin and Courtney skipped words and went straight to kissing, him still holding the shampoo bottle.  
  
"Great! Now I'm stuck with these weirdoes!" Alex muttered, but, of course, Elvish hearing picked it up.  
  
With lightning quick reflexes, Legolas had an arrow nocked and trained on him. "What did you say, foolish mortal?"  
  
"Oh, God. I'm dead now!" Alex thought as Kitty intervened.  
  
"Legolas, honey, this is our friend, Alex. You may not shoot him," she said.  
  
"Why not?" Leggy pouted.  
  
"Oh, snap out of it!" Kits demanded and he did.  
  
"Boy, is he whipped!" I thought and attempted to smile as I kissed my husband once more.  
  
.~*~.  
  
After Alex got used to the fact that the Fellowship was here to stay (Temporarily) and introductions took place, we had to decide room placements.  
  
"Since Kitty and Legolas are married, they should get they're own room. Christy and Merry too. Vanessa and I can share her room, and the guys can divide themselves," Courtney said and I made a mental note to thank her.  
  
"Umm...don't you only have one room left?" Alex asked.  
  
"Alex...buddy..." Vanessa pleaded. "Would you mind sharing your room with 3 guys?" Please?"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"Alex, pwease? For me?" I asked. He shook his head. "Hey! You owe me!" I suddenly turned serious. "I did your French homework for you!" (The funny part about that is, I took Spanish, so I would have had no clue what I was writing without the translations. I could have been writing 'I am the Great and Powerful Oz!' for all I woulda known! ^.^)  
  
"OK, fine," he grudgingly gave in.  
  
"Alright, so who's with who?" Vanessa asked the guys, wondering whom she'd have to bribe to get some 'alone time' with Aragorn.  
  
"Boromir, Pippin, Alex, and myself will 'room' together and Frodo, Sam, Gimli, and Mithrandir will have the other room," Aragorn answered.  
  
"OK, now that that's settled, who's up for some pickles and ice cream?" Kitty asked.  
  
We all just groaned. "More cravings." Legolas rolled his eyes.  
  
A/N~ Sorry for the sucky ending, but deal wid it! Also sorry for the length, I went to San Antonio with it and there was traffic. This is what I did the whole time. Also I have so much fun torturing Alex! Even if he doesn't know he's being tortured! Hehehe! OMG! It took me sooo long to type this. I just didn't have the energy and I've been watching Stargate more than anything else lately. Also, I've been re-grounded from the net, so I don't know when this'll get to you. I believe August 19th is the correct date that you will cuz I'm gonna have 'homework' on the Internet. ^.^ Hehehe! I'm so devious, it's fun! 


	2. What's up with Aragorn?

Chapter 2: What's up with Aragorn?  
  
A/N~ I've decided that I want to be mean to Kitty in this chapter. Hehe. Oh, and FYI, breathing is so overrated. Vanessa's POV.  
  
Disclaimer:  
  
Me: Me teka Oz!  
  
Aragorn: What did you just say? And in what language?  
  
Me: 'I am the Great and Powerful Oz', I think, and I dunno what language.  
  
Boromir: Then, if you don't know the language, why did you say it?  
  
Me: I'm weird; do I need a reason to quote Stargate?  
  
Aragorn & Boromir: No. *Roll eyes*  
  
"Food!" Kitty cried when we came into view of the dining hall. She ran ahead of us (with Legolas in tow) and charged full speed towards the buffet table, crashing into an elderly couple in the process.  
  
"I see her appetite hasn't changed," Boromir stated.  
  
"Nope. Not really," I said.  
  
"I feel sorry for Leggy," Courtney commented. "He has to put up with Kits's cravings. He also has to pay for them!"  
  
"True," Christy laughed.  
  
Our dinner was quite an elaborate buffet filled with all kinds of food from all over the world. There were burgers, fries, chicken nuggets, rice, sweet & sour chicken, tamales, enchiladas, fajitas (Don't offer Sam any! Remember what happened last time? Hehehe!), oh the list goes on and on! (I think she was hungry when she wrote this...)  
  
We found a couple of table to sit at, three actually. There was the 'married peoples' table, which consisted of (duh!) Kitty, Legolas, Christy, and Merry. There was the 'little kids' table, which sat the hobbits, Alex, and Gimli. And, the best for last (To quote Chaka, PFFT!), the 'normal, unmarried, supercool' (Again, I quote Chaka, PFFT!) table that Boromir, Gandalf, Courtney, me and Aragorn all sat at.  
  
"Do we have any ketchup?" I asked, looking around the table. I have this weird obsession with ketchup; I use it a lot more than I should. But the strangest thing is, I hate tomatoes.  
  
"No," Courtney said. "But I think Kitty has some at her table."  
  
That did it. "Umm...no, that's OK, I don't need it that badly." I was afraid Kits would bite my hand off if she thought I was stealing her food. No thanks, I like my hands right where they are.  
  
"What? Are you scared?" Boromir asked, amused.  
  
No," I lied.  
  
"Then go borrow some!" Court yelled.  
  
"Nope. I don't want it."  
  
"Here, I'll go with you," she said.  
  
"No! Don't make me go!" Too late; she was dragging me over to the "married losers, I mean, people" table. ^.^  
  
"Hi, Kitty!" Courtney said, cheerfully. "Could we borrow your ketchup for a moment?"  
  
Kitty's eyes darkened. "Excuse me? I thought I heard you ask to take away my food. Haha. Silly me."  
  
"Umm...I just wanted to borrow it."  
  
"That's where you're wrong," she said, matter-of-factly. "You see, you won't give back the ketchup you used; nor do I want it. So the answer is 'no."  
  
My jaw dropped. I should have expected it, but it still took me by surprise. I regain myself and led Courtney away.  
  
After we had finished our (yummy to my tummy) food, we headed back to our rooms. It was too early for bed (not like that!), so we all tried to cram ourselves into my room. It was a tight fit so Pippin, Courtney, Sam, Frodo, and Gandalf went into one of the guy rooms and we left both doors open so we could see each other.  
  
"I'm bored," Alex whined.  
  
I grinned and looked at Christy, who smiled and nodded to show that she understood. "We could always watch LotR..."  
  
"No! I'm not that bored."  
  
Christy and I just laughed. Alex was such a loser. How can you not like LotR? Only losers. (That may be, but only I am allowed to call him a loser. You call him 'fag' & I call him practically everything else!)  
  
I finally gave up on trying to convince Alex to watch LotR and went to join Aragorn. For some strange reason, I had not been spending much time with him.  
  
"Hiya!" I laughed while sitting on his lap. I gave him a quick kiss and looked up at him. He was staring off into space, thinking hard about something. "Hello-o?"  
  
He grunted (don't ask) in response, still staring.  
  
"Dude? What's your problem?" I asked. When he didn't reply, I scoffed and went to find Christy. Surprisingly, she wasn't making out with Merry. "Christy, can I sit with you guys? Heir Boi over there won't give me time of day."  
  
"I wonder why?" she joked.  
  
I just rolled my eyes. "Move over."  
  
"Who said you could sit with us?"  
  
"Me. (Who cares what you say?!?! Hehehe!) Now move," I commanded. "Hey, Merry, do you know why Aragorn hasn't been talking to me? Is it something I said?"  
  
Before he could answer, Christy interjected. "No, it's just your face that scared him off." (Bit of trivia- I actually thought that as I read this! Go figure!)  
  
"No," he said slowly. "I don't know if I'm the one who should be telling you, but Arwen wants him...bad. I don't think he can resist her temptations." (OK, (to quote Jack) who talks like that?! Geez!)  
  
"What?!" I screamed. "That wench again?! I can't compete with her; she has perfect skin. Damn Elves."  
  
Legolas heard that though. "Wonderful Elves? Yes. Hott Elves? Yes. Damn Elves? No." (Disclaimer: That line was from a fic called "Halloween at Aragorn's" by Blanton Cirith. That was a plug.)  
  
"So do you meant to tell me that Aragorn is in love with Arwen?" I asked. I could feel the hot tears already forming in my eyes. This was just what I needed; Arwen.  
  
"I'm kinda tired, guys. I'm going to bed. Do you mind going into someone else's room?" I asked.  
  
They left, Courtney too, who said she wasn't tired.  
  
As soon as they were gone, I threw myself on my bed and cried myself to sleep.  
  
(A/N~ Why did I do this to myself? Plus, this is supposed to be humor, not feel-sorry-for-yourself.)  
  
.~*~.  
  
The next morning, I decided to skip breakfast. I didn't want to show up with puffy eyes from crying all night.  
  
A little later there was a knock at my door. Figuring it was housekeeping (Do they have that on ship?), I opened it. Guess what. It wasn't housekeeping. There in my doorway stood Aragorn. I was tempted to shut the door in his face, but thought better. "What?" I asked coldly.  
  
"I didn't see you at breakfast," he replied.  
  
"Oh, so you noticed I was gone?"  
  
"What are you talking about? Of course I noticed you were gone." He looked a little hurt by my outburst, but I didn't care; he deserved what he got.  
  
"Yeah? Well, you didn't seem to notice last night!"  
  
"I did too. I acknowledged you," he protested.  
  
"You grunted at me. I said, 'Hello', and you grunted. I tried having a conversation with you, but you just stared off into space, thinking about Arwen."  
  
"Who told you about her?" he asked suddenly.  
  
"So it is true? You choose her over me? Well, I hope you're happy! Now, please leave." This time, I did slam the door, and hard. A few moments later, I heard his footsteps leading away from my door.  
  
If he wanted to be with that wench, that was his business. What could she give him? A necklace. What could I give him? Chocolate syrup. But that was his business, not mine, so I was gonna stay out of it.  
  
.~*~.  
  
"Did you talk to her?" Boromir asked his friend as he returned to the dining hall and sat down.  
  
"You could call it that," Aragorn replied solemnly.  
  
"So you didn't talk to her?" Christy questioned.  
  
"Well, I did...and I also didn't. I talked to her, yes, but not about anything important. She just yelled at me for last night."  
  
"From what I understand, she has a reason to yell at you," Christy said leaning in closer. (Why did I lean in? Am I hard of hearing?)  
  
"Then you obviously don't understand," Aragorn answered.  
  
A/N~ Ack! I've had this damn spiral long enough! Hehe! So, how did you like it? Good? Bad? Come on. I can handle it! Go...Christy!  
  
A/N2~ OK, I'll go! *Runs away* Hehehe! You better review cuz you don't know what I'll do if you don't. You better watch out because I'm 'untrustworthy' according to my stepfather and I'm 'gonna end up in jail.' What I did that was so bad- watch TV. How retarded, right? BTW, don't forget to review and make sure you tell Vanessa happy birthday as it's her birthday soon. 


	3. A Very Fluffy Chapter

**Chapter 3: A Very Fluffy Chapter**

**A/N**: Ack! Another cliffie! Nooo! I'm hyper! Whoo!

**A/N2**: Alrighty! From here on out I, Vanessa, will be typing. Just so you know. Well, now I have to come up with disclaimers for you people because you just don't get the fact that we own NOTHING!!

Legolas: Vanessa, I think you need to calm down and relax.

Me: Relax?! You wanna see relaxed?! *Tries to sit down in a nearby chair and fails* OK…

Haldir: She looks a bit tense doesn't she?

Me: Tense?! You wanna see tense?! Ack, I give up.

Haldir: So you see what you've done to your poor authoress? This, ladies and (maybe) gentlemen, is what fan fiction writing does to you.

Me: Haldir, have you been diggin' around in the medicine cabinet again?

Haldir: *looks around the room and whistles trying to look innocent*

"What don't I understand?" I asked. "No, wait-" I interrupted. "Don't tell me, tell Vanessa."

"She won't listen to me!" he protested.

"Well, that's you problem (I mean you, not your, OK)!" I retorted and smiled.

***

"Vanessa?" I called, knocking on her door.

"What?" she asked, opening it.

"Wanna watch Stargate?"

"Where's Merry?"

"Why do you want to know?" (A/N: Does anyone feel like we're playing 'Questions Only' on Whose Line Is It Anyway?)

"Because he's always hanging around you and he's not now."

"Ha ha! I win! And he's in our room trying to find the Sci-Fi channel so we can watch Stargate," I answered. "You wanna join us?"

"Sure."

Soon, Merry, Vanessa, Boromir (whom Vanessa was now hugging on), and I were watching Stargate…Across the hall Kitty, Legolas, Courtney, and Pippin were doing the same. The rest of the fellowship was off doing who knows what.

"Oooo! Daniel!" I heard Kitty cry as Michael Shanks made a guest appearance (this is an episode after Meridian- an EVIL episode!)

"Man! This is classic!" I laughed as we watched. The scene went something like this:

_Jack walked into the elevator, whistling some tuneless song and clicked the button._

_Clunk! The elevator stopped suddenly, and the lights flickered on and off before powering up again._

_'Jack,' came Daniel's voice._

_Jack looked around trying to determine where the voice was coming from._

_'Jack,' Daniel said patiently. Jack whirled around, facing the white-clad (and according to Christy and Kitty, hott) figure in the corner._

_'Jack, you gotta do me a favor. The people of __Abydos_…' Daniel rambled on urgently for some minutes before finally stopping and looking at Jack, who blinked at him.__

_Jack stared, then suddenly leaned back. 'How are ya Daniel? How ya been? How's the ascension thing working for ya cuz you never write, you never call, and I was just wondering,' he asked._

_Daniel stared for a second turned to face the wall and plastered a broad smile on his face._

_'Hi Jack!' he said brightly. 'What's new? How ya doing?'_

_'Oh, oh!' the colonel began. 'Funny thing happened today!'_

_'Oh, really?' Daniel cut in._

_'Yeah, this old friend of mine whom I haven't seen for months showed up asking me for help. See, he ascended to this powerful being and he asks me for help. See the irony?'_

_'Really?' Daniel feigned interest. 'What did he-'_

_'No, no, just wait for the story,' Jack chided._

_'Sorry, sorry…'_

"Hey, that sounds like us!" Vanessa noted.

"Yeah, but I don't know which one I am," I agreed. "I so good-looking like Daniel and I'm funny like Jack!"

"Funny looking!" Vanessa shot back! (A/N2: She knows me so well!)

"At least I'm not scary looking like you!" I retorted and threw a pillow at her.

"At least I'm not a fag!" she yelled and flung the pillow at Alex. (FYI he's not but Vanessa insists that he is) (A/N2: That's because he acts like a gay fag all time! Take a look at him, he dresses better than me and spends more time on his hair than me for crying out loud! I swear, he's gay)

"At least I'm not a lezzi like you!' he retorted and smacked her with the pillow. (A/N: She's not a lezzi either. But Vanessa and him do this all the time to each other)

"Aaaahhhhh!!!" Vanessa screamed and attacked poor Alex. (A/N2: Ha! I pulled a Touchstone! Sorry, Old Kingdom Trilogy thing. And when did Alex become poor?!)

"Lezzi?" Boromir wondered aloud.

"Vanessa, snap out of it!" I demanded as I pulled her off of Alex. "Only I can beat him up!"

"Oh, yeah, sorry."

"That's OK," I replied and helped Alex up then smacked him to demonstrate my point.

"Oww! You are so abusive! I think I have bruises!" he cried out. (A/N2: See, doesn't that sound gay?)

"Good," I smiled and sat down next to merry. "Stargates back on."

"Ugh," he rolled his eyes and this time Boromir hit him. (A/N2: Go Pin-Cushion Boi!)

"Do not roll your eyes at a lady."

"Show me a lady and I'll stop. No! Don't hurt me!" he yelped as he ran. "Christy, stop him, please!" (A/N2: *coughs* fag *coughs* Sorry, can you tell I don't like Alex that much?)

"Boromir, sit down!" I screamed, "you make a better door than a window!"

"Fine," he grumbled and returned to Vanessa's side.

"That's a good whipped doggy," Alex muttered and turned around when he saw Boromir start to get up again.

**A/N:** I think that's long enough. I have so much fun torturing Alex! DYK: Australia exports camels to Saudi Arabia? Funny!

**A/N2**: Gah! I just typed this whole thing in less than an hour. Whoo-hoo! Go me! *Does squirrel dance* And why did Christy give me Boromir? Oh well, he's pretty hot in his own special way. Anyway, please review or my dragon, Aiden, will bite you in da butt! 

Oh, and if you wanna see some pics of my horse and I, I can show them to you! Go to HobbitGirls's bio and link over to my bio. There, at the bottom, will be a link to the website. The first 4 are of me and Slick. There are more but not in order. So, if you do look, I'm the rider with a blue jacket and GREY pants. OK, well there you go!


	4. A Crisis Resolved

**Chapter 4: A Crisis Resolved**

**A/N:** Jesus! What the f*** was I on when I wrote this?! You see, I was reading over it in the spiral and the whole time I was cringing. Yeah, it's that bad. Jesus, I hate myself right now. Sorry, sorry, I know, I'll try not to put all my personal problems on your shoulders. If you wanted that you'd go read my Live Journal. OK, anyways, on with the chapter.

**Disclaimer:**

Legolas: *in a sing-song type of voice* They own nothing! They own nothing! Na-na-na-na-na!

Me: Shut up, Blondie.

Haldir: No need to get angry…

Me: *glares*

Legolas: *in perky voice* And even after all that, they still own nothing!

Haldir: Yeah, so please don't sue us.

Me: And please don't hurt me after you read this, I'm not really in the mood. Actually, I'm not in the mood for any of this!

Haldir: I still love you. (A/N: Sorry, I needed that)

"Just talk to her," Gandalf said. He and Aragorn were sitting in the dining hall, having a drink and talking.

"But she won't _let _me talk to her," Aragorn replied.

"Then have someone talk to her for you."

"I can't do that; I want to be the one who apologizes." Aragorn then grew quiet and left the table.

                                                                                                *******

The party was getting a little out of hand. I decided to leave when one of the hobbits (I don't know which one as they all look the same to me) put their underpants one their head and started a conga line. It was disturbing.

So I bid everyone a good night, especially Boromir. He was being so nice to me through all of this. He was nice, cute, and royal, but he was no Aragorn (A/N: He didn't have no back! Ha ha ha! J/J!)

Instead of going back to my room, I went out on deck to try and clear my mind of everything (A/N: And according to Christy, it's not very hard to do. Humph, she's mean to me! I say we should boycott her chapters! Who's with me?!). I could have done that in my room but Courtney and Pippin were in there. So I headed outside.

It was quiet outside, very peaceful. But it was also cold. Who knew the Gulf of Mexico could get cold at night? Not me. I wished I had my famous University of Texas sweatshirt; it's very warm and cozy. (A/N: Oh, and DYK, at UT they have a class about the languages of ME? Yeah, they do!)

Anyway, I stared out at the large ocean, oblivious to everything around me. (Ok, this part I kind of stole from Christy. It's not the exact same, but close enough)

I thought I heard the door open and close but I ignored it as I was in my own pretty little world filled with half naked rangers and Lórien March Wardens…(A/N: Sorry, I couldn't resist!) And as I sat there thinking, Aragorn came to mind. "I miss him," I whispered.

Suddenly, I felt two very fine arms wrap themselves around my waist and a voice whisper in my ear, "He misses you too." (A/N: Gag!)

What was _he_ doing here? "How do you know I was thinking about you?!" I asked. Who was he to assume that I was? And you know what happens when you assume. Besides, he had his little Arwench to go to, shouldn't he be missing her?

"But you were, weren't you?" he asked me, a grin slowly creeping onto his face.

"No!" I lied. "Well, maybe….But why do you care?" I stepped away from his grasp, surprising him a little. "Why are you here with me when you could be with _her_?"

He looked at me quizzically.

"Answer me this: who do you want to be with? Right here, right now." (Or there's going to be a WWE Smackdown!)

He was silent. Stupid men.

"That's what I thought. Well, see ya around sometime. I'd like to go to bed now, if you don't mind." I started to walk away and I saw Boromir poke his head out the door. I waved to him and he stepped out.

I gave him a tight hug and smiled smugly at Aragorn when Boromir put his arm around my shoulders. I almost burst out laughing at the astonished look on Aragorn's face.

"I went to check on you," Boromir said. "But I only found Courtney and Pippin in the room. And I always thought of her as the good one…"

"Well, good-night Aragorn," I said a little too cheerfully. "I'll see you in the morning I guess." 'I'm so evil,' I thought as I walked away with Boromir. 'But if he's going to choose to be with little miss wench, that's his deal.'

                                                                                                *******

"Boromir…" Aragorn started uneasily. "Is…Do you know if Vanessa is still mad at me?" It was later that night and the two men were the only ones in the room.

"That would be a yes," he replied. "And why do you care? You have Arwen now; Vanessa told me about how you chose Arwen over her."

"That's not true! She hadn't let me answer yet."

"What were you doing out there with her if you didn't tell her?" Boromir asked, growing defensive.

"I was out there to apologize to her! She asked me who I loved and before I had a chance to answer her she stormed away. Then you showed up and she left."

"Don't you think you should explain all this to her then? She needs to know."

"I doubt she'll even want to look at me," he answered glumly. (A/N: Oh, and Christy wrote a little note here in the spiral and I thought it was funny. Above that last line she wrote, 'I will then!' I know it doesn't sound that funny once it's typed out but, hey, who's the author here?!)

                                                                                                *******

Aragorn and Boromir passed up Christy and Merry on their way to my room. Merry had a pair of boxers on his head and was chugging at a beer bottle.

Boromir looked questionably at the small hobbit, but chose to ignore him. "Is Vanessa in her room?" he asked Christy?

She shrugged and continued leading her drunken hobbit into her room. "I think she is, but I could be wrong."

Boromir knocked on my door. "Now, you know what to do when I call you in, right?" Aragorn nodded. "Good," he replied and knocked again.

"I'm coming, I'm coming," I mumbled, turning on the light and hopping out of bed. I answered the door and came face-to-face with Boromir. "Whadda ya want?" I asked groggily, and squinting my eyes trying to get used to the light.

He looked at the clothes I was wearing; my Eeyore pajama bottoms and Wells Fargo bank shirt. "Interesting. Mind if I come in?" he asked, already stepping in and closing the door but leaving it open a crack.

"Be my guest," I said dryly.

"Now look, I know you don't want to talk about him, but you need to. I was talking to Aragorn…"

I heard the door squeak open and Boromir walked over to the door. "I'm going to stand here until you guys work this out."

"There is nothing I have to discuss with him," I said, crossing my arms across my chest and turning around.

"Vanessa…you didn't let me explain everything tonight…"

"So now it's my fault?!" I screamed.

"No, no, not at all! I wanted to tell you that I do care for Arwen and-"

"That you chose the princess over the pauper. I hear ya loud and clear. Well, now if you're done rubbing it in my face, I'd like to resume sleeping again. Oh, and don't let the door hit your butt on the way out!"

Aragorn sighed. "Vanessa, let me finish. I care for Arwen, but I do not love her. She throws herself at me! And while it is flattering, I do not want a woman like that."

"So…who do choose?" (Man, I made myself dense!)

"Does that statement not make it clear to you?"

"OK, I guess. But why me?"

"Who else would use chocolate syrup like that?" he asked with a sly grin and sat at the foot of my bed.

"If you two are done, I'd like to go to bed now," Boromir said from the doorway.

"Go ahead," Aragorn told him. "I'll be there in a few moments."

**AN**: *Gag gag gag* Ugh, what the hell was I on when I wrote this?! Gah! Well, if you can't tell, I'm not at all happy with this chapter. Anyway, review me and tell me what you think about this crappy chappy.


	5. Michael Shanks and Togas?

**Chapter 5: What's Eating Mrs. Caufield?**

**A/N:** Yay! I got a drunken hobbit! *winks* Now, what to write, what to write? Oh well, I'll just write and see what comes out!

**A/N2**: It took Christy all summer to write this chapter. So it better be good! 

**Disclaimer:**

Legolas: *giggles* They, like, own, like, nothing!

Me: Err…right. Haldir, what did you give this elf?!

Haldir: Moi?

Me: Yes, you!

Legolas: *giggles insanely*

Haldir: Nothing…

Legolas: But I'm a cheerleader!

After a looooong night (*winks again*), there was a knock on the door.

"Arg!" I growled at being awoken and pulled something on. (A/N2: Ugh! Nastified!) I walked over to the door and opened it.

"Are y'all coming to breakfast?" she greeted me.

"I think so. I'll have to attempt to wake Merry up," I replied. "I think he drank a little too much last night."

"Yeah, apparently Pippin did too; he has quite a hangover," she confided.

"Well, I'll see you at breakfast," I said and shut the door after she acknowledged.

"Merry! Merry, wake up!" I semi-shouted. (A/N: I know you're not supposed to shout around a person with a hangover, but…we're not gonna go there)

"Huh?" Merry groaned. "Oh! My head hurts!"

"You had too much alcohol last night, dear." I rolled my eyes as I handed him his clothes. "Come on, let's go to breakfast; I'm hungry."

                                                                        ***

Several minutes later we joined everyone at breakfast. Merry and I sat with Vanessa and Strider. It was good that they _finally made up. I was tired of all the crap I had to listen to, from Vanessa, about Arwen(ch)._

"Morning," Merry and I greeted everyone.

"Morning," they all replied.

(A/N: I have that song by Billy Talent stuck in my head. "Forgive me father, why should you bother now?" He he, I lub that song!)

"You look nice this morning," I complimented Vanessa, who was sitting across from me.

She raised an eyebrow but only said, "Thanks."

Aragorn wasn't as subtle though. "Are you feeling alright?"

"I dunno. I'm being 'nice'! It's scary!" I replied.

"Let me feel your forehead and see if you have a fever," Vanessa joked and did so. "Nope, no fever. But I still think you're sick."

"Yep," I grinned. "Sick in the head."

"Got that right!" Alex agreed and threw a grape at me.

"Shut up!" I retorted and threw one back at him. (A/N2: We really did have a grape fight on the last day of school. Except, me and him started it.)

Just then (in the middle of our grape fight) Merry yawned and asked where the caffeine was (A/N: I taught him well!)

"What's wrong, little man?" Alex asked.

Merry scowled at him for calling him 'little man' and replied, "Christy kept me up all night."

"Oh! I understand!" Alex cried. "I guess there is an advantage to being short, huh?"

"Alex," I said calmly.

"Yes?"

"Shut up before I hit you!" I yelled and he immediately did as he was told.

"She kept singing Beatles songs last night (A/N: And you thought I was being dirty!)," Merry informed him.

"That's what happened when I get drunk apparently, but I don't know; I don't remember," I protested in my defense. "I never remember what happens." (A/N: OK, so maybe I was being dirty! As I have said to many people, 'I guess you'll never know!') I smiled. "Let's eat. I'm hungry.

After we finished eating, we sat and talked with the others.

"Oh my gosh, Vanessa, is that who I think it is?!" I asked.

She turned around. "It is! It's Mrs. Caufield!"

"Who's Mrs. Caufield?" Aragorn asked.

"Our Skills for Living (A/N2: For those of you who don't know what that is, it's basically home Ec.) teacher from 8th grade!" Vanessa answered.

"Whom you asked if her 50 year old husband had a 6-pack!" I added, laughing.

"What?!" Aragorn demanded.

"She was stuck on the fact that Lurtz had a 6-pack."

"He tried to kill me and you were looking at his abs?!"

"Well…yes. Anyway, hey, Christy lets go say hi."

"Alright," I replied and we walked over.

"Oh, hello girls," Mrs. Caufield greeted us.

"Hi, Mrs. C.," Vanessa responded. "We were in your class a few years back." Mrs. Caufield smiled politely, showing that she did not remember us. We were the terrors of her 6th period class that year. We talked constantly and, according to her, knew every Broadway song in existence.

"Mrs. Caufield, Vanessa has a question she wishes to ask you," I told our former teacher and muttered, "again." The teacher just smiled and nodded.

"Uhh…Ms. Caufield…does your husband have a 6-pack?"

"Why, no, he doesn't," she answered, puzzled. Then it clicked as to who we were. "AAAAHHH! You're back! My therapist said you were just figments of my mind! (A/N: Ha! I quoted Daniel Jackson (Stargate SG-1) without even trying. It's from the eppie where everyone thinks he's nuts!) "Ahh!" she screamed once again and ran away, the fastest I have ever seen anyone move (and I've seen Kits around food!), presumably back to her cabin.

"Ok, that went well," I commented sarcastically as we walked back to our friends, all of whom were laughing.

"Oh my gosh, that was funny!" Kitty said, shoving a full pancake into her mouth. (A/N: I'm sure should could. If she can do it with a hamburger, why not a pancake!)

"Thanks," Vanessa said, rolling her eyes at Kitty's eating habits.

"You're welcome," Kitty returned, shoveling in another pancake.

                                                                        ***

(A/N: At this time, I am going to bend the space-time continuum for my purposes. I can do this because it has been pointed out before, that this a fan fiction)

That night we girls locked ourselves in Courtney and Vanessa's room for the Stargate SG-1 season premier. We left the guys to entertain themselves. Most of them went to the bar but some of them stayed behind to keep underage Alex Company.

Before the season premier there was a show called 'Stargate: The Lowdown.' This mockumentary was great with Michael Shanks showing off his weight-lifting skills. It drove Kitty, Me, and to some extent Courtney, wild, because we love Michael (he has big muscles!). About half the way through the show the rest of the guys came back to Alex and Co.'s room, loaded with booze for them.

"Christy? Kitty? Vanessa? Courtney?" Alex called as he knocked on out door (it was still locked).

"What is this? Roll call?" I asked sarcastically as I opened the door.

"I was wondering if y'all wanted this alcohol," he answered. "But if you don't want it, I'll take it back…"

"Oh no you don't!" we all screamed.

"All the guys would give me to give to y'all was wine coolers. Is that OK? There's some non-alcohol for Kitty," Alex said as he handed the wince coolers to us.

"Yep! Its alcohol," Vanessa assured him with a maniac gleam in her eye. "We'll take it!"

"OK, thanks Alex. Now GO AWAY!" Kitty told him and locked the door. "Stargate comes on in 5 minutes."

"OK, gimme that wine cooler! Hurry!" I exclaimed and promptly sat down in front of the TV and leaned back on the coffee table. Kitty pushed me over slightly and sat down next to me.

Soon, it was time.

"Screw that old fart!" Kitty screamed at the TV. "Where's Daniel?!" Her question was soon answered.

"EEEEEEEE!!!!" Kitty and I yelled at the top of our lungs.

"What happened?" Legolas demanded to know, about a split second after we started screaming, pounding on the door.

Vanessa opened it and the fellowship and Alex rushed in, and then rolled their eyes when they saw it was just Kitty and me drooling over Stargate.

"OK," Boromir said as the guys were filing back out. "We're going back to our party with those half-dressed girls."

"That' nice," Kitty and I commented, not really listening, as we were still thinking about what we had just seen. Michael Shanks has about the nicest body I have ever seen! He is built in all the right places. (A/N2: OK, I'd just like to let you know that I, Vanessa, don't like Michael Shanks. I think he's a nerd.)

"It didn't even faze them," Aragorn muttered to Legolas as the guys went back to drinking (with no girls).

                                                            ***

"See ya later," I said as I opened the door and started to leave, and then stopped cold.

"What is it?" Vanessa asked.

"Shh!" I whispered and pointed down the hall. "Look at Alex!"

"I'll be right…uh, right back…" Alex slurred to the rest of the men as he staggered into the hall, wearing a lamp shade as a hat and what looked like a bed sheet as a toga.

"Oh my gosh!" Vanessa whispered. "What a fag!"

"To quote Daniel, 'I do the bidding of Baal, shut up!'" I whispered back and started following Alex down the hall. "Are you coming?"

"Yes!" Kitty, Courtney and Vanessa exclaimed quietly and ran with me.

"Ugh!" Alex grunted as he tripped on the last stair up to the deck. He got up and continued staggering.

"Look at him go!" Kitty laughed. "He's so drunk!"

"Where's he going now?" Courtney asked. "Uh-oh, he's going to the bow! Is anyone else thinking what I am?"

"What?" Kitty asked.

"Shh! Look!" I said.

Alex stepped up on the bars and shouted, very Leonardo DiCaprio-like, "I'm king of the world! Whoo-hoo!"

The four of us cracked up, rather loudly.

"Huh?" Alex asked, getting down and turning around. "Oh boy, I didn't know you guys were there…"

"Obviously," I retorted, still laughing. I went over to him and put my arm around his shoulders. "Come on, let's take you home."

"OK," he said, looking very much like a lost 2-year old.

                                                            ***

"Alright, boys! Party's over!" Kitty exclaimed. "I want my husband back and this room cleaned up! Also, I want you to be quiet so I can sleep. Then, go to your rooms!"

"Yes, ma'am," they saluted. They too were wearing togas much like Alex's; it was quite a sight.

"Wow," Vanessa whispered. "They're all drunk and Kitty's in full mother mode!"

"Scary, isn't it?" I said back.

"Yep," Courtney agreed.

**A/N**: Whoo! That took me all summer to write! LOL! I had the spiral all summer so yeah. I made sure I didn't write it all at once so I'd have something to do. Vanessa and I start school tomorrow, so I can finally write my A/N. He he he. I really like this chappie. Nessa apparently likes it too if her notes are any sign. Just don't forget to review!

**A/N2**: Actually, we're already in school. We've been in school for like 3 weeks now. And I don't like to type up any notes that we write. I dunno, mainly because most of them are inside jokes that would take WAY too much time to explain. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. It sure did. Well, up until the point when I had to type it all! LOL. Well, please review and feed Aiden!


	6. Muffins and Hot Pockets!

**Chapter 6:**

**A/N**: Mwahahaha! I have returned! And yes, with battle wounds. He he. No, really, I have boo-boos. *sobs* Stupid horse, stupid jump…do the math. Well, as you can tell, school is back in session *sobs uncontrollably* Homework, horses, dogs, other crap, fan fiction…I have a lot of crap on my plate. And I'll eat it all! Mwahahaha! OK, well here we go, I hope you likey.

**Disclaimer**:

Legolas: Well, what a bloody wicket we're in!

Me: What's wrong?

Haldir: *whispers* Don't encourage him, he's crazy.

Me: *whispers back* Shaddup.

Legolas: You do not own anything. Ha ha! You're poor!

Me: *mutters* Smart-ass elves…

Legolas and Haldir: I heard that!

"I told you Alex was a fag!" I hollered at Christy while she closed Alex's door after making sure he and everyone else made it back to their rooms.

"He's not a fag; he's just himself," she retorted.

"And himself is a fag!" I managed to say before she hit me. I think she enjoys hitting people. She would make a great hit man. Get it? Hit. Man. Hahaha! OK, shutting up now.

"Shut up, Vanessa," she commanded and gave me 'the eye'. Yeah, you shut up when she does that. *shivers*

"Well, good night, Christy," I said as we made it to our rooms. "And try to keep it down in there!"

Christy just glared at me and I scurried into my room. Yes, I scurried; Christy scares me…

I closed the door and blindly made my way to my bed as Court was already asleep. I lay down but instead of a cold mattress, I was met with something warm and squishy. Well, needless to say, I was up in a hurry. "Ahh!!" I screamed.

"Ahh!!" an equally girly scream was, well, screamed.

"Pippin?"

"Vanessa?"

"Huh?"

"What?"

"What what?"

"Pippin," I started while turning on the lights. "You know I love you but WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY BED?!"

"Well," he began, "I was tired."

"What happened to _your_ bed?"

"I don't know it was a long walk; this was closer."

"Gah!" Courtney sighed. "Do you guys ever sleep?!"

"Sorry," Pip and I apologized.

"Well, go sleep in your own bed!" I commanded and shooed him out the door.

                                    ***

The next morning was a bit of an odd one for me. Huh, an odd morning proceeding an odd night. Ain't life screwy?

I opened my eyes when I heard the door to my room open. It was dark still so I couldn't see anything but I could just hear the rigid breathing of someone in the room.

"Hello?" I whispered.

When I received now answer, I flipped on the lamp by my bed….and was met with Boromir's face inches away from mine. (Good morning, campers! Sorry, Stargate SG-1 moment)

"Boromir?! What the heck are you doing in here?!" I half screamed half whispered.

"I don't feel so well," he mumbled.

I rolled my eyes at him. "It's probably due to all that beer and crap you drank."

He nodded and moaned. "Oww…"

"What do you want me to do about it at 5:30 in the morning? I'm not your mother!" I know I seemed mean, but hey, I like my sleep and he disturbed that.

"Nessa…I don't feel so well." Then his face turned a nice shade of green and he made a mad dash for the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.

I snorted and quite ungracefully got out of bed. "Silly men; they just don't know how to keep down their drinks." I dug out a pair of exercise shorts (yes, I do exercise!) and a tee-shirt and headed for the bathroom.

Let me tell you something: Man and Beer do not mix real well. Boromir was not in a good state. "Ugh, I guess we're gonna be here a while," I said, sitting down on the floor next to my hung over friend. "Well, better out than in!"

Boromir glared at me then resumed puking his guts out.

Two hours later Boromir was feeling better. Well, he had stopped throwing up at least; he still had a major headache. I told him to go back to sleep, but being a male, he mistook my words. For when I went to get back in my bed, he was in it.

So I gave up on ever going back to sleep. Instead I went to the dining hall to get me some grub. (And call for Super Chicken! Sorry, I wanted to have him in here somewhere.)

I walked up to the counter and asked the man behind it for a breakfast Hot Pocket and a cup of coffee.

But the pimple-faced guy wanted to be a jerk and ruin my happy, and I use the term loosely, day. "We don't have any Hot Pockets," he told me.

I stared at him for a moment in a disapproving manner. "You have got to be kidding me. I just spent the last 2 hours with a hung over man and now the one thing I desire the most is not going to be given to me?! Impossible…"

Just then, Fox Mulder, the X-Files dude, popped out from the kitchen wearing a hair net on his head. "Not impossible…improbable!" he exclaimed and went back inside.

"Ok…that was odd. Well, if you don't have any Hot Pockets can I have a muffin instead?"

"We only have one left," he told me.

"Well, I'd like to purchase it," I informed him. How dense can you get? I mean, who the heck was this guy? I looked at his name tag which read Bryan. Oh, that explains it, he's a Bryan.

"I'm sorry ma'am, but I'm saving that muffin."

"What?! " I screamed. "You love your muffins too much! You-you-you MUFFIN MOLESTOR!" (A/N: Ok, disclaimer time. That there line belongs to Siren in her fic Bleed For ME) Ooo man, was I mad. I needed someone to complain to.

I looked at my watch. 7:30 was a great time to wake my friends up I decided. And with that thought in mind, I went to find Frodo.

When I came to his room I knocked softly on the door and entered the room. It was dark and hard to see who it was I was waking up and if there was anything on the ground.

I came to what I thought might be Frodo and shook the figure. "Frodo…Frodo…Frodo…"

The figure grunted and turned over. "I'm not Frodo," a creepy old voice said. Eww...Gayduff. 

"Sorry," I mumbled and moved on to the next bed. "Frodo…Frodo…"

"Oh, Rosie!" I heard Frodo cry out.

"What the-?!" I exclaimed and slapped the hobbit. "Frodo Baggins, were you having impure thoughts about Sam's wife?!"

"He was what?!" Sam yelled.

Frodo laughed nervously. "Of course not, Vanessa. You must have been mistaken. Heh heh heh…" Then it hit him that I was in the room. "Vanessa, what are you doing in here?"

"Oh, well, I needed to complain to someone and you were next on my list."

"Oh."

"Anyway, so Boromir comes waltzing into my room at 5:30 in the morning begging me to help him as he has a hang over. The he starts puking his guts out in _my bathroom. So, 2 hours later, he feels better and goes back to sleep…in_ my_ bed. How rude! So then I go to the cafeteria and order a Hot Pocket but they don't have nay! Then Mulder shows up for some reason…So I ask for a muffin but the Muffin Molester won't sell one to me! Gah! Frodo, are you listening?"_

"He fell asleep after '5:30 in the morning.'" Gandalf informed me. "But I was listening…to every word."

"Oh, that's-that's-that's nice," I said uneasily. "Well, I must be going now." I got up and made my way to the door. I didn't want to be in the same room as this guy any longer.

So I ran out and headed for Christy's room. "No," I thought to myself. "Am I ready for that? Nah…" Instead I went back to give Bryan a piece of my mind.

A/N: Gah! I don't want this spiral any more! Take it away Christy! Oh, and review or Aiden will hunt you down like dog hunt bone!


	7. 3 Easy Steps On How To Glomp An Elf

**Chapter 7**

**A/N:** Arg! I had this spiral all summer and she gives it back after a week! *cries* Now, which idea should I use? I guess whichever goes with whatever I write!

**A/N2:** Oh yeah, Christy, that made a lot of sense! *scoffs* Ok, well, I too have nothing to say. My parents are fighting again downstairs so I'll be here a while. *crawls into hole and dies* Oh, and I did pretty crappy at my show. I'm very mad at myself right now.

**Disclaimer:**

Haldir: *flexes muscles*

Legolas: *rips off tunic and flexes*

Haldir: *glares and does the same*

Me: *walks in room* Not that I'm not enjoying this but, what are you two doing?

Legolas: Haldir says he has bigger muscles than me.

Haldir: And I do. *smirks*

Me: …

Legolas: Nu-uh!

Haldir: Yep.

Legolas: I'm going to hit you with my purse!

Haldir: I'd like to see you try!

Me: OK, well, while they're off hitting each other….Christy and I own nothing. Although, maybe with a little bribery I can get Haldir…

I finally woke up around 10:30 and got dressed. I dragged myself to the cafeteria to grab something to eat and see if Merry was there. He was eating with the 3 other hobbits. Gandalf was there too, sitting at the next table, hiccupping drunkenly.

"…And Vanessa won't even give me the time of day!" Gandalf sobbed to the hobbits, who were too busy eating to listen.

"Morning," I greeted everyone as I sat on Merry's lap.

"Hi," the guys said before turning back to breakfast, Merry pausing long enough to give me a kiss. 

I ate my cinnamon roll without trying to start a conversation because I knew I wouldn't have gotten an answer, with the possible exception of the drunken Isitari. After I finished I went in search of the others, leaving the hobbits to their food.

                                    ***

"What's going on?" I asked Vanessa as I sat on a lawn chair near her. Aragorn and Alex were standing on the deck facing each other, holding swords.

"Aragorn wanted to spar, but Boromir still has a hangover, so Alex volunteered to help him," she answered.

"This ought to be good," I muttered.

"Are you sure you know how to use that?" Aragorn asked Alex.

"Sure. The pointy end goes in the other man," Alex replied. (OK, disclaimer time! That exchange comes from The Mask of Zorro. All done) "Well, not in this case, huh?"

"Oh, Valar," Aragorn muttered. "I'll have to teach you the basics before we can begin."

                                    ***

After several hours of teaching Alex, Aragorn decided it was time for a break. He and Vanessa went below deck, leaving me with Alex. 

"Having fun?" I asked sarcastically as he swung the sword around. 

"I guess having these psychos around isn't too bad," I retorted.

"Shut up!" I slapped him playfully.

"Hey! I've got a sword! Don't mess with me!" he joked, turning to face me.

"Hey! I happen to like my legs!" I yelled at him as he lost his balance, causing him to fall forward, still holding the sword which narrowly missed my leg.

"Geez! And I thought _I_ was a klutz!" Kitty remarked helping Alex up as I grabbed the sword. She had come on deck moments before, in time to see Alex's miracular balance.

"Is this Aragorn's sword?" I asked, picking it up.

"Yeah, I think so," Alex remarked.

"Good. You're not to touch it ever again!" I screamed and walked off to give the sword back to Aragorn. 

"Good thing she's not a mother," Kitty muttered to Alex who nodded.

                                    ***

When lunchtime rolled around we all met in the cafeteria (including Boromir who must have gotten tired of sleeping in Nessa's bed or something) to eat. Thanks to the hobbits, we had a small banquet going.

Suddenly, Elrond walked into the cafeteria.

"Why are you not on your quest?!" he demanded.

"Well, if you're so concerned, why don't you do it, mate?" Legolas asked, jokingly. Elrond did his little eyebrow thing at him. "OK, sorry!"

Slowly, Kitty stood up from the table, as if in a trance, walking towards Elrond. *Glomp*

"OMG! Kitty! I can't believe you did that!" Courtney exclaimed as Kitty sat back down again. 

"What?" she asked, bewildered. "What happened? What did I do?"

"You just glomped Elrond!" Vanessa yelled, drawing some stares from the rest of the cafeteria.

"What?! I did _what_?!" Kitty shrieked, drawing more stares.

"You glomped Lord Elrond," I reiterated, helping Elrond up. His robes were rumpled and his hair was splayed out like a huge afro.

"OK, new quest. You are to keep her (he pointed to Kitty) away from me and all other elves in Middle Earth!" Elrond commanded and walked quickly, as if trying not to run, from the caf.

Kitty looked around and giggled. "Remember to glomp your friendly neighborhood Elrond!" Everyone just rolled their eyes.

**A/N: **The whole "Glomped Elrond" thing was Kitty's idea. Kitty realized that no one glomps Elrond, so she's been saying to glomp your friendly neighborhood Elrond. Have fun but not too much fun, Nessie! No using that recipe! Hehehe.

**A/N2:** But-but-but…I LUB MY RECIPE! Humph, she never lets me have any fun with the elves. *pouts* Oh well, at least I have my HNSRWANB! Anyway, if you're reading this, PLEASE REVIEW! It seems that no one has been reviewing lately and since that hurts my feelings and Aiden's we don't want to update. So review and get mas chapters!

Oh, Christy and I are having a bit of an argument about Haldir's hair color. I, Vanessa, say his hair is a silvery blond. But Christy says it's a golden blond. So tell us what you think even thought it's a silvery blond. Humor us.


	8. Joe's Crab Shack

**Chapter 8: Joe's Crab Shack**

**A/N**: Christy, pwease let me use the recipe! I'm sure Haldir wouldn't mind! God, I'm bad! Oh, and you reviewers/readers, that whole thing is kinda hard to explain. Christy, Vinny wants to read our fics. I told him our name started with an 'L'. Ha! Do you have ANY idea how many 'L' names there are?! Anyway, on with da ficcy-poo. 

**Disclaimer:**

Legolas: *comes out dressed as a mermaid* Under the sea! Under the sea!

Haldir: Legolas, what are you doing?!

Legolas: What are you talking about? We have a show in-

Me: Haldir shut up and come here.

Haldir: What is he doing?

Me: He said he wanted to be a star. So I let me be the little mermaid. Cute huh?

Haldir: It would be fine but did he really have to wear the seashell bra? *cringes*

Me: I kinda like it.

Legolas: *dances and sings* *shakes his butt*

Me: Whoo!

I sat and stared at Kitty, amazed that she glomped the big elf of Rivendell. "So what was it like?" I asked her.

"I don't know. Man, I glomped Elrond and I can't even remember doing it! Waahhh!!!"

"I want to glomp an elf someday," I thought aloud. "Maybe Haldir…or Rúmil. Yeah, either one sounds good."

Just then, Aragorn sat down next to me and Boromir on my other side. "Did I just hear you say that you wanted to glomp the march warden of Lothlórien?" Aragorn asked, clearly amused.

"No!" I cried in my defense. Then quietly added, "I said his brother too…"

Then Gandalf spoke up, "I'd glomp him too!" he shouted drunkenly, drawing a few stares.

"Right… moving on," Courtney said.

                                    ***

After lunch everyone went their own ways…sorta. I went up to my room to sleep since I didn't get that much earlier. And this time when I laid down, there was no one in it. Yay!

Anyway, after my little nap I went back up on deck to see what all was going on. Eh, I kinda wish I had stayed below in my room.

Gandalf, Gimli, Frodo, and Sam were playing shuffleboard. It sounds pretty ordinary, right? Heh, boy are you wrong! They were playing Shuffleboard…to the extreme! It was kinda a cross between shuffleboard, strip poker, and hockey.

"Ha ha!" Frodo laughed at a half-dressed Gimli. "You landed on red, take off the helmet."

"Yes, please do!" Gandalf said, licking his lips.

Gimli grumbled about it but in the end removed his helmet. "Now, young Baggins, it is your turn."

Frodo picked up the little stick and pushed the piece across the board; it too landed on red.

"A-ha!" Gimli cried. He took the stick from Frodo and slapped Frodo across the face with it. "That's for landing on red after me."

I just kinda looked at them and shook my head. "I'm not even gonna ask," I mumbled and moved on.

Boromir, Legolas, Aragorn, and Pippin were fishing off the side of the boat. They each had on either a fishing hat or a floppy hat (yes that was for you Christy); it was just so darn cute.

I walked up to the four and almost burst out laughing at the sight. Apparently, Pippin had somehow caught a crab. He was looking at it as if it were the greatest thing in the world.

"Does it bite?" he asked the older guys.

"No, no, it's harmless," Aragorn said to him but his eyes said otherwise. He punched Boromir when he opened his mouth and smiled down at the young hobbit.

Legolas, catching my Hott And Sexy Ranger With A Nice Butt's drift, then said, "Put your finger close to its mouth and see for yourself."

Pippin looked at Boromir who just turned and looked at the ocean. Then he stuck his finger close to the crab. 

Well, I'm pretty sure you can guess what happened next.

"Owwww!!!" Pippin screamed and tried to shack his finger free from the crab's claws. It was to no avail, so he started running all around the deck shacking his hand violently.

The four of us just laughed as if there were no tomorrow. I mean, wouldn't you if a young, ignorant, naive hobbit just willingly stick his finger in a crab? Oh wait, one just did. My mistake!

A kind stranger (who chose to remain anonymous) helped to free Pippin for the clutches of the crab. "I thought you said it didn't bite!" he whined.

 "It doesn't," Legolas said, wiping the tears from his eyes from laughing so hard. 

"I beg to differ!" the young Took cried indignantly and stuck out his finger which was turning red.

"It didn't bite you though," I said.

"But…but…but…" he started. "You tricked me!" He then walked away, leaving me and the others behind.

"I can't believe he did that!" Boromir laughed.

"I know! What a loser!" I managed to say before another fit of laughter took me.

The 4 of us laughed for close to 10 minutes before I remember why I came up. "Oh, hey, do you know where Christy and Merry are?"

None of them would look me in the eyes and repeatedly cleared their throats. "Oh," I said, catching on. "Eww…"

**A/N**: I'm sorry I ended at such a crappy place. But I'm tired and I've had a bad day. *sees Aragorn walk by in only his boxers* Hello… *Falls off chair from leaning over to look at HASRWANB* Anyway, please, please, please review! I think we've only had one faithful reader thus far. So thank you **HobbitLoverLady,** I love you. No, not like that! Jeez, sickos! That's what I have Daniel for! *grins evilly* Well, if you could, please tell all your friends about us. I'm beginning to feel unloved. *cries*

"This suburban man, 

He wants discipline, 

But I just need a friend."

-Our Lady Peace "All For You"

"These wounds won't seem to heal

This pain is just too real

There's just so much that time cannot erase."

-Evanescence "My Immortal"


	9. Trevie and Steveo's Wife

**Chapter 9: Trevie and Steve-o's Wife**

**A/N**: That was so great! The crab was genius! I don't think I can top that! And Nessie, you are so dirty! Do you think that's all I would be doing?! I say we were just watching Stargate. Michael Shanks! Yea!

**Disclaimer:**

Me: I need to find a Homecoming dress!

Legolas: Oh! I have one from 2002 that would fit you _perfectly._

Me: Is it pink?

Legolas: No, no, no. It's a heavenly shade of lilac.

Me: Really…*walks off with Legolas*

Haldir: Guys? Guys?! Humph. OK, well, they own nothing. Not as if you didn't already know that though.

I emerged from my room and stopped dead. There was a stampede in progress through the hall.

"Ah! Help me! Help me! Help me! Help meeee!" I heard a guy's voice scream as he was followed by hordes of hormonal chicks.

"Trevor?" I asked incredulous.

He looked around as he ran and saw me. "Christy?!" he asked, just as incredulous. Then he remembered why he was running. "Hide me!" he yelled and dashed into my room. I quickly followed and shut the door behind me.

I looked around for Merry but I didn't find him. Then I heard the water running and realized that he was in the shower. "Ok," I thought, thankful that I wouldn't have to explain why Merry was in my room.

"OMG! Thank you so much!" Trevor exclaimed. "The hormonal masses of freshman girls were after me again!"

Trevor is a senior this year, so I guess during this fic he would be a junior, and this year he apparently, is the guy to like in band. 

"Hi, Trevor," I said. "What are you doing here?!" He was, what, the second person from school that I had run into.

"Huh? Oh. I was trying to escape the rabid masses that are after me. It obviously didn't work," he replied ruefully.

"Obviously." I went to the door and opened it. The hordes were still running by my door. "When it's safe to go out do you wanna go find Vanessa?"

"Vanessa? Vanessa's here? Steve-o's wife? (A/N: Inside sixth period Spanish joke)" he asked. "Sure."

                                                ***

"Vanessa!" Trevor shouted, when we found Vanessa, scaring her. I think she was daydreaming about Aragorn, at least I hope that's all she was dreaming about. Eww…

"Hey, Beandip!" she replied when she recovered.

"Where's the you-know-what?" I mouthed to her.

"They're at the bar," she mouthed back to me as Trevor hugged, or harassed, her. 

The 2 of us sat and talked for a while, until the hormonal horde found us.

"Ah! Help me! Help me! Help me! Heeeelp me!" he started yelling again.

"We'd appreciate if you'd stay away from our man!" Random Chick #1 told Vanessa and me.

"Unless of course you'd like to join the Hormonal Mass to chase him; then we would be happy to accept you," Random Chick #2 informed us.

"Uhh… thank you," I replied. "We'll take that into consideration," I lied as they ran off after Trevor.

"Poor Beandip," Vanessa lamented. "He was a brave soul but he was no match for the fish." Following her small speech we had a moment of silence for our friend. We really didn't expect to see him alive again.

                                                ***

Well, Vanessa and I didn't remember about Trevor for very long. Life with the fellowship was to…umm…_interesting_ to dwell on something for long.

"I'm Henry the VIII I am, I am! I got married to the widow next door. She's been married 7 times before!" we heard Kitty and Courtney sing a "rousing" chorus of the oldie "Henry the VIII."

"Oh, no! They're singing again," Vanessa moaned and followed me as I ran off to find them.

"And all the men cry Henry! (Henry!)" I joined in as soon as I reached the other girls and joined the Congo line, which consisted of a confused fellowship, that they started. When we finished I took another look at the guys.

"What happened to y'all?" I asked.

"Well…" Kitty started to explain, but got distracted by something shiny.

"Gandalf complained that he was getting 'funny looks'," Alex supplied dryly from his deck chair. "So Kitty found them some 'clothes'."

The men were dressed in Hawaiian shirts, shorts, and the occasional straw hat.

"Nice outfits, Kitty," I complimented her "style" choices.

"Thank you. I try," she replied, the shiny object gone.

Vanessa just rolled her eyes.

**A/N**: I am sooo tired. My sister's second daughter was born on Tuesday, so I'm worn out with school, band practice, football games, homework, fan fiction, my crappy family. Oh, I'm tired! *Yawns* *Goes to cabin on ship and goes to sleep*

**A/N2**: Umm...yeah. Her A/N was just kinda one bug rant. Whatever. Why did you people not tell us what you thought about Haldir's hair?! Come on! It was just a matter of who was right, me or Christy?! Gah! You people aggravate me! *Grabs purse, car keys, and drives off, never to return*  

_"So I pretended up a person who was fitting in_

_And now you think this person_

_Really is me…"_

Linkin Park "Lying From You"

_"You say that I'm a dreamer_

_I say you're a non believer."_

Good Charlotte "Screamer"


	10. Swim, Forest, Swim!

**Chapter 10: Swim, ****Forest****, Swim!**

**A/N:** Yay! Only 8 more chapters to type until the next fic! *jumps around for joy*

**Disclaimer:**

Haldir: *bops head along to music*

Me: *does same*

Legolas: *cringes * Why do you listen to that crap?!

Me: Ugh! It's Linkin Park!! How dare you call it crap?! *eyes blaze*

Legolas: *whimpers* Umm…I love you?

Haldir: *whispers* That doesn't work anymore. Believe me, I know…

Me: *rolls eyes* Anyway…Christy and I own nothing worth owning. I do, however, have 2 pesky elves that are mean to me and don't love me. *cries and then runs from disclaimer police for saying 'I own 2 elves…'*

Finally when the numbers got too high for my friends to count, they stopped singing that horrid song. The song is cute the first, oh say 100 times; but after that it just gets annoying.

"So, what now?" I asked anyone who would listen. Which I'm sure you guessed was no one. "Hello? Hello?" Humph. It was as if they were pointedly ignoring me. Now who in their right mind would do such a thing? Find me a person in their right mind and I'll show ya.

"OMG! There goes John Ritter!" I cried, trying to get a rise out of them. It was, sadly, to no avail.

I noticed that they all seemed to be staring out at something. Humph. So I too looked out. Ooo…large, shiny object…

5 hours later the sun had set and it was too dark to see the large, shiny object. Darn.

"I don't know about you but I'm bored," Kitty said, breaking from her reverie. 

"I wonder…can dwarves swim?" I asked aloud. 

"Lets find out!" Boromir exclaimed and grabbed one of Gimli's arms. 

"What?!" Gimli cried. "You can't do this to me!"

"We can, and we will," Legolas laughed as he grabbed the dwarf's other arm. Together, he and Boromir dragged the thrashing dwarf to the railing.

"I swear, by the Halls of Moria, don't do this!" he pleaded on last time.

"Let me think about that…hmm, no!" I laughed evilly. "Drop him boys!"

SPLASH! Gimli fell into the ocean (or gulf, wherever we are by now). We all rushed over to the rail and waved at him as he splashed around, sputtering water.

"Pull me up! Pull me up!" he screamed.

"What? I can't hear you!" Courtney laughed and high-fived Kitty who was next to her.

"This is hilarious!" Christy said.

"I know," I said, trying to breathe from all the laughing.

"Should we bring him up yet?" Sam asked.

"NO!" the 4 of us girls shouted.

"Naw, let him swim with the fish for a few hours; he isn't social enough," Aragorn commented and waved at the dwarf again.

"What's going on here?" one of the attendants asked, coming up behind us. He had a British accent and immediately I was in love. Come on, can you resist a man with an English accent? 

We all crowded together to try and block Gimli from the man's sight. "Nothing…" Kitty said innocently.

"What are you doing over there? Better not be anything illegal…"

"Oh, it's not," Courtney assured the man then muttered, "I hope."

The man gave us a look that clearly said he did not believe us. "Leave already!" Kitty shouted at the man.

He looked taken back but soon recovered, nodded, and left. Humph, I wanted to hear him talk again. Oh well, watching Gimli was fun.

After we got our jollies watching the annoying dwarf swim, Aragorn and Legolas pulled him up. Yes, it took both strong men to pull him up. I wonder if he's ever heard of Weight Watchers…

Gimli flopped around, sputtered, and shouted obscenities at us once he was back on deck. But it fell on deaf ears, we were laughing once again at him. Can you tell I hate Gimli?

He huffed and stalked away. Maybe to change or hopefully shower; he smelled of saltwater and fishies. 

A bell rang somewhere from inside the ship announcing that dinner was to be served. Yay! Oh how I do love my food!

"Food!" Kitty and I cried and raced to the dining hall, leaving the others to follow. Tsk, tsk, they do not worship the food god as Kits and I do.

When the others finally decided to grace us with their presence, we headed to an empty table. Well, 2 tables since there were so many of us. 

The guys of the fellowship really did look odd and received many a strange looks. You see, not very often do you see 9 men in Hawaiian shirts and straw hats. If you saw that, wouldn't you stare? Yes, you would.

**A/N:** I have got to get some sleep, man! I'm sorry nothing big or interesting happened but I don't want this god forsaken spiral any longer! *sobs* I need my Craig Parker. Go…Christy! *Leaves in search of Big Folder De Craig*


	11. Monkey Rapist!

**Chapter 11: Monkey Rapists!**

**A/N:** I gotta torture Nessa this chapter. She got a boyfriend and didn't tell me. I was really pissed at him (not her) when I wrote this chapter so my A/N was not very nice. Therefore I have revised it! Enough here, time to write!

**A/N2:** OMG, Klein Oak was on 104 KRBE (a local radio station) and Evan made a shout out to Conner that Conner was gay! OMG, it was so funny…

**Disclaimer:**

Legolas: *makes a grab for chocolate-chip cookies* 

Me: *snatches them away* Nu-uh.

Legolas: Please…

Me: Nope. *munches on a cookie* Not until you do the disclaimer.

Legolas: *sigh* Fine. They own nothing. Most everything belongs to the great and powerful JRR Tolkien. There, happy?!

Me: Now say that I have your undying love and devotion.

Legolas: Vanessa, you have my undying and- Wait a second! 

That night for dinner it was Mexican Food night (just as long as there's no Estebon, this should work out!), buffet style. Sam finally figured out what fajitas were and took the whole platter. It was not very appetizing watching him eat. Good thing I have a lot of practice watching Kitty eat!

During dinner I talked to Alex, since I knew better than to talk to Merry while he was eating, anyway. We had an interesting conversation, as usual, about movies. I started it off on its interesting course by commenting that a certain actor was hott. We ended up getting way off course, as usual, going back to Alex's question of last year, "What do you think of my looks?" (A/N2: Only a gay man would ask that, I say!)

"Tell me!" he demanded.

"No."

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Will you 2 shut up?!" Vanessa screamed, "I'm trying to eat."

"Fine," I replied, and then turned back to Alex. "No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes, tell me!"

"OK, fine; I give up," I mock-surrendered. "You look cute…when you're sleeping!" I joked.

"Hey! That's not fair!" he fought back. "If you hadn't taken so long with your test, I wouldn't have fallen asleep."

"Yeah, well, ya did. And you made Lake Alex with your drool on the desk!" I retorted. "It was your fault anyway. If you hadn't done the LTD, you wouldn't have that much free time! So ha!"

Instead of replying he muttered something under his breath and started talking to someone else.

"I win!" I mock-cheered and went back to eating.

***

"Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily life is but a dream! Hey!" I sang. "Everybody now!"

Kitty joined in enthusiastically, Courtney too. After the guys got the lyrics down, the cool ones joined in, meaning Merry, Pippin, Sam, Boromir, Aragorn, Legolas. After some prodding from me Alex joined in unenthusiastically. Vanessa just rolled her eyes wile Gandalf, Gimli, and Frodo asked, "Oh Valar! Why me?!"

We continued singing well into the wee hours of the morning (we started just after dinner). Alex kept looking at me pointedly, clearly saying, "Can we stop yet?" I just ignored him and when he would stop I would elbow him and he'd start up again.

Eventually the 4 not singing cracked.

"Stop, stop, stop! Make it stop!" Vanessa, Gimli, Frodo, and Gandalf cried. "I can't stand it anymore!"

"…merrily, merrily, merrily; life is but a dream!" I sang and cut everyone off with me. "He he! I win!"

"No you don't!" Vanessa denied my victory.

I scoffed. "You gave up, so yes I did."

"Nope."

"Uh-huh!"

We argued for several minutes until Aragorn stepped in.

"Stop it children!" he yelled.

"No!" Vanessa yelled back while I yelled, "Aragorn's a monkey rapist!" (A/N: Don't worry, that was only semi-random)

"What?" I got many strange looks, especially from Vanessa and Aragorn.

"Vanessa's a monkey!" Kitty laughed.

"I am not!" Vanessa screamed back.

"I'm a monkey rapist?" I heard Aragorn mutter "Girls." Then came the famous Aragorn eye roll.

"Eeeeee!" Vanessa squealed and sat on Aragorn's lap as she swooned over the eye roll.

"Good-night," I said to merry and left before anyone remembered my monkey rapist comment.

**A/N:** Fluff! Pure fluff! All well, it was fun. Your turn Nessie!

**A/N2:** Yeah, it was fluff. But hey, as long as I got my sexy eye roll, I'm a happy burrito! Meh, I don't think you guys got that. Oh, and to **Brittany Kiehler (did I spell that right?) ****_HI!!!!!_  **


	12. Is A Beer So Much To Ask For!

**Chapter 12: Is A Beer So Much To Ask For?!**

**A/N:** OK…I wanna go home. It turns out that the editors were supposed to go to The Woodlands for a design class but did anybody tell me? No…Am I pissed? Yes…*sigh* Oh well, Aragorn can always make me full of happy! *pinches his butt*

**Disclaimer:**

Legolas and Haldir: *looking at YM magazine*

Legolas: OMG, look at her hair! She soooo has split ends…

Haldir: And him! Why does he even bother with that hairstyle? Humans…

Me: *clears throat* Umm…guys?

Both: *look up and try to hide the magazine* Yes?

Me: Whatcha doing?

Legolas: Nothing…

Me: Right….Just do the disclaimer someone.

Haldir: Christy and my future wife, Vanessa, own nothing. Although, Vanessa owns me and can have her way with me at any time. WHAT?! Who wrote this?!

Me: *whistles and scoots away*

Tonight, on the ship, was a special night. Yep, yep, yep, you guessed it; a costume party! Hehehe. Well, let's go back to the beginning of the day when we first learned of this little 'get together.'

Knock, knock, knock! Somebody banged on my door. I looked at the clock. 7:36 am. Whoa, does 7:36 even _have _an am?! No, it does not, and I was oh so very mad.

I threw back my covers and stomped to the door. Upon opening it, a small hand threw a bright green flyer in my face and ran off. "Odd…" I thought.

'Costume Party! Tonight at 7:30 pm in the dining hall. Please join us for a night of celebration!' the flyer read.

"Interesting…" I thought aloud. Then I ran to Courtney's bed and shook her awake. "Courtney, Courtney, Courtney, Courtney, Courtney! Wake up! Wake up!!"

"Ugh! Vanessa, leave me alone…" she grumbled and turned over onto her side away from me.

I sighed. "Court, there's going to be a party tonight! A _costume party! Can we go? Please, please, please, please?"_

"Vanessa, fine. Now go back to sleep…"

_~*~_

The party started at 7:30 but nobody really arrived until closer to 7:45. I guess they all wanted to show up casually late. Humph. Oh well, we do.

Courtney and I were the first to arrive of our little 'group' as I like to call it. Court was dressed as a cheerleader and I was Arwen. Ya know, that is _way_ too ironic. Even for me!

Next to enter the dining hall was Gimli. He was dressed as a troll doll. He had a bright orange wig, which stood straight up and had a bright orange star on his belly.

Then came Merry and Pippin. Pippin was Ricky Martin. He had the leather pants, tight shirt, and funky hairdo. Merry came as an exotic dancer. When he entered he swished around and clanged the finger cymbals.

Frodo and Sam came next. Sam was Mickey Mouse. He had on the rubber mouse ears and red shorts. Frodo was the Duke from Moulin Rouge. Eww…sex freak on a stick!

Christy and Kitty then entered the room. Christy was an 'elf goddess' and Kitty…a smurf.  Why a smurf? She had even gone so far as to have her skin blue. I'd have to ask her about that later.

Next came Legolas and Aragorn. And, yep, you guessed it, Legolas was a woman. He looked exactly the same except he wore a dress instead of a tunic and pants. It was quite a change. And my HASRWANB was dressed as a pixie/pirate. Ooo…even with the pink he looked good enough to eat.

And last, Gandalf, Alex, and Boromir. Gandalf was a pink ballerina. His outfit included a tiara, a tutu, pink slippers, and a tight leotard. His chest hair was protruding from the leotard, and it was quite disturbing. Now Boromir…he had on a bowtie and a shiny Speedo. And let me tell you, it was niiiice. Alex came as Elrond.

As the DJ started warming up, our little 'group' headed out to the dance floor. He he, yep, we were gonna dance. The only one who didn't follow was Gandalf since a 9-year-old girl had stolen his tiara and he was chasing her around the room. One would think he wanted to rape her had they not known he was gay.

The first song the DJ, Steve, played was Macho Man by The Village People. Everything started out OK until Gimli decided to show off how manly *cough* he was and went up on the stage to dance.

Of course, the elf couldn't let the dwarf beat him at anything so he too jumped up on stage. And this prompted the other men of the fellowship to dance.

Boromir started to dance a bit, how should I say this, suggestively. Some of the women were trying to stick dollar bills in his Speedo but since he didn't understand what was going on, he swatter their hands away. But this action only made them mad, not go away.

The song ended and so did the dancers unfortunately. But it was alright, we all hit the bar after the guys came down.

"Boromir…" I whined. "Get me a beer. Pwease…" I pulled the sad puppy dog look on him. Nobody can refuse that look!

"No," he said flatly.

Except him. 

"I said nooooo."

"Humph. You're no fun, pincushion Boi," I pouted. Christy laughed at me from her place next to Merry, sipping a Margarita. "Shut up."

So I moved on down the line. "Legoooooolas. You know you wanna buy me a beer. I mean, who doesn't want to see me run around like a drunken idiot?"

He thought about this for a moment. "While it is tempting to have you make a fool of yourself, I'm afraid I'll have to decline."

"And why is this?" I asked.

"It's against your laws."

I rolled my eyes and moved on yet again. "Gimli! Buddy!"

"No, lass."

"You crack-head!" I spat at him and once again move don down. A-ha! The perfect man…

"Aragorn…You know what would make me _really happy? If you bought a beer for me."_

"Didn't you say something about being too young before?" he questioned me.

"Oh, come on; it's only a beer."

He rolled his eyes in that sexy way of his and ordered a beer. Haha! I had beaten the system and the government all in one day! "This is the only one I'm allowing you to have, alright?" he said to me, holding the beer just out of reach. I nodded vigorously.

_~*~_

"And then I says to him, 'go home and rape your own monkey!'" I laughed as I drained the remainder of my 10th beer.

"You know," Legolas whispered to Aragorn. "I never thought I would say this but watching her like this _is_ amusing." 

"Hearts, stars, and horseshoes, clovers, and blue moons! Pots of gold and rainbows and the red balloons!" I sang and danced around in a circle with Boromir (think Jack and Elizabeth when they're on the island drinking rum in POTC).

"Have you ever seen an elf drunk before?" Courtney asked Christy in a hushed tone.

"No…" The she smiled, catching Courtney's drift. "Hey, Leggy! You wouldn't have happened to have ever tried a Wild Turkey before would ya?"

**A/N:** There, I left it open for ya, Christy. *grins* Wow, I sure do have a lot to type…Oh! Did you get that pic of Craig? Oh man…he's like sex on a stick! I'll bring it if I remember, K? Anyway, your turn! *tags Christy and chases after Craig and Viggo*


	13. 1 Tequila, 2 Tequila, 3 Tequila, FLOOR!

**Chapter 13: 1 Tequila, 2 Tequila, 3 Tequila, FLOOR!**

**A/N:** Life sux! Grr…stupid English! This movie is sooooo gay! Grr… Drunk Leggy! Yay! Fun, fun, fun!

**A/N2:**  Sorry about the lack of updates; I've been kinda lazy and kinda busy. But I'm here now so rejoice! 

**Disclaimer:**

Legolas: Took ya long enough.

Me: I'm sorry! How can I make it up to you?

Haldir: Unchain us from the bed?

Legolas: Let us take off these ridiculous outfits?

Me: *grins* That can be arranged…

Legolas: Not like that! Gah! Haldir, just do the disclaimer.

Haldir: Christy and Vanessa, Goddesses of this modern Earth, own nothing created by JJR Tolkien. Although, here on the note card, it says that Vanessa owns Aragorn's sexy arse.

"Wild Turkey? What is a 'Wild Turkey'?" Legolas asked.

"It's a drink; a really good one. Go ask the bartender for one," I answered.

"Okaaaaay…" he replied, bewildered. Slowly he walked away to order the said drink.

"Well, are you going to drink it?" I asked as her stared at the glass.

"I'm not so sure I want to; you suggested it."

"Gee, thanks. I love you too," I replied sarcastically.

"Come on, Leggy, hunny," Kitty coaxed. "If I can't drink, you have to drink for me!"

"If you say so," the woman, formerly as elf, AKA Leggy, said and gulped down the drink.

"Wasn't that good?" Kitty, our resident expert on Wild Turkey, asked.

"Surprisingly, yes," he answered.

"Then why are you still waiting there?!" Kitty demanded. "Go get more!" 

Just then, I saw something that made me do a double take. "No, I wasn't dreaming!" I thought. Then I told Kitty and Courtney to make sure Leggy kept buying those Wild Turkeys and ran off.

"Haldir?" I asked.

"Yes, milady," Haldir replied. "And who are you? You are elven yet I know you not."

"Hmm…I want an elvish name," I quietly decided.

"Christine," I replied.

"It's a pleasure meeting you Lady Christine," the march-warden told me. "Would you do me (A/N2: Tehe. Do me.) the pleasure of accompanying me on my walk?"

"It would be my pleasure," I assured him. Then I thought, "Lady Christine. Not too bad but who said I'm a lady?"

            _~*~_

While I was off walking with Haldir (yes, it was the real Haldir) things started getting, uhhh…. Interesting.

            _~*~_

Legolas was really going to town on them Wild Turkeys.

"Chug, chug, chug, chug!" the whole party chanted as Leggy drained his 20th Wild Turkey, passing Vanessa at 12 beers.

            _~*~_

"Wow! It's really beautiful tonight!" I exclaimed. You could clearly see the stars and the sky was a gorgeous, deep blue, not something you often see in Houston!

"Yes, it is," Haldir replied, running a hand through my hair.

"But it is not as beautiful as in Middle-Earth," he continued.

"Of course not," I replied, wishing I knew for myself what it looked like in Middle-Earth.

"In addition to it being beautiful tonight, it's also freezing cold!" I thought to myself, trying not to shiver because elves don't feel the cold and Haldir thought I was an elf.

Suddenly, I wasn't cold anymore. I turned my head to look at Haldir but he wasn't beside me. He was behind me with his arms around my waist; not that I minded, not in the least.

We stayed like that for a while, which didn't bother me. While we talked I could feel his muscles rippling when he moved, not a bad feeling. A slow song played from inside and Haldir and I danced to it. After the song ended I looked up to say something, probably about how well he danced but noting came out because as soon as I lifted my head Haldir kissed me. After that, I remember nothing.

            _~*~_

By the time I returned to the party, Legolas was on Wild Turkey #98. His eyes were slightly out of focus and he was swaying side to side.

"I feel pretty, of so pretty. Pretty and witty and GAY!" the prince of Mirkwood sang loudly.

"Where were you?!" Merry asked, startling me.

"Out on the deck, looking at the stars," I replied. It wasn't a lie; I was. 

"Oh. Weren't you cold?" he asked, referring to my thin, elvish dress.

"…99…100!" Kitty yelled as Leggy downed his 100th Wild Turkey. Just then the DJ said there was going to be the opportunity to do karaoke. 

"Oh! Legolas, you have to sing!" I exclaimed and pulled the prince to the stage. I went to the DJ and told him what to play.

"Man! I feel like a woman!" Legolas sang wholeheartedly, even doing hair-flips.

"Wow, Kitty's husband really does look like a woman!" Courtney whispered.

"Yeah, it's kinda sad, isn't it?" I whispered back.

A/N: I could just hear Vanessa screaming about the whole Haldir scene. I'm sorry, but it made me feel better! All well! My chappie, my rules! *runs off after Haldir*

A/N2: Egh that was not a fun chappie to type. I had Demon-child and Lauren sitting right behind me, watching LOTR. Grr. Anyway, please review!

And another great big thanks to **Hobbit Lover Lady! I lub you mucho! OK, not as much as Aragorn, but I still love you our lone reviewer! Oh, and to ****Kits too, but she doesn't count; we forced her to read them.**


	14. Hit That!

**Chapter 14: Hit That!**

**A/N:** Craig! Come back to the light! The light shall dominate over the evil in you! *glomps Haldir* OK, I'm better now. Karl rapes little boys! (And yet I'm going to be posting my newest fic starring Eomer, figures) Sorry, had to add that in there. Anyhoo, my "father" sucks major balls. He must die. Thank you. *bows and leaves*

**Disclaimer: **

Me: Orlando! Why? Why, did you turn on me?! *sobs*

Legolas: Orlando? Pffft, who cares about him?

Me: I do thank you very much. And just because he also likes guys doesn't mean I have to stop loving him.

Legolas: Riiiiiiight.

Me: Oh just do the friggin' disclaimer you imp.

Legolas: The Almighty Goddesses, Vanessa and Christy, own nothing. They are broke and are saving their money to go see ROTK. So don't bother suing; you won't get much.

I was on beer #17 when Aragorn came over. He looked so darn sexy in his outfit. Ooo…where's the damn chocolate syrup when you need it?!

"How are you doing?" he asked breathlessly as he had been out dancing.

"Horrid. That stupid elf drank more than me. Can you believe that? I'm so ashamed. Don't look at me!" I whined and downed the remainder of my beer.

Just then DJ Steve played the Macarena. "Come on, Aragorn! We're dancing!" I yelled and dragged him along to the dance floor. I saw Christy dragging Merry, Courtney dragging Pippin, Kitty dragging Legolas, and Gandalf dragging Gimli. This was gonna be good.

Instead of doing the traditional dance, we (the girls that it) did it Texan style. (A/N: hey, we're from Texas, we're allowed) Our guys finally caught on and joined in. Ooo…I had a sexy ranger/pixie/pirate doing in Texan style with me! Life. Was. Good.

I looked up when I saw a flash of silver. Ooo…shiny object…So I proceeded to follow it. Well, 'it' turned around.

"HALDIR?!" I squealed. My squeal caused just about every woman to turn around and many men too. The next thing I know there's another stampede of hormonal masses chasing around a certain silver-haired March Warden (Christy, his hair is silver and I don't care what you say!).

"Damn," I said. "That guy was a sexy beast." I heard Aragorn clear his throat at this remark. "Uh…but you're the _original_ sexy beast, babe!" I laughed nervously.

I saw Legolas walking by and shouted at him. "Oy! Leggy-lass! You do know you have about 50 men following you, don't you?"

He turned around to face the men and sighed. "Gentlemen! How many times do I have to tell you? I'm a _male_." He then threw off his wig (I gave it to him just now, don't ask) and his long, golden hair cascaded down his back.

"I dunno," Random guy #43 said, scratching his head. "You look like a woman to me."

"Legs," I whispered and beckoned him to come. "There is _one way to show them you're a male…" I grinned evilly._

He tried to mimic Aragorn's sexy eye roll but failed miserably. "Let's just hope it doesn't come to that." 

"Aww… I was looking forward to it!" Aragorn then slapped the back of my head. "Owwies… I don't know about your world, but here that's called child abuse!"

So I slapped him back. And would you believe he _dared to hit me in return. Alright, this was WAR!_

"You think you're so cool because you're a ranger/king/pixie/pirate/dude-with-too-many-names? Oh no, biotch!"

He smirked and hit my head. I swear that man is going to be the death of me. "I win," he said smugly.

                        ***

I sat down at the bar and ordered a bottle of rum. Ah, how I do love me rum! A strange man who had his hood pulled up over his head trying to hide his face sat down next to me.

"Hey-o!" I greeted the stranger. "I'm Cabin Girl Vanessa and I rape chipmunks!" (OMG, _so_ an inside joke!)

The strange man simply grunted and drank his water. Wait…water?! Who the hell drinks water at bar?!

I sauntered over to his other side and got up in his masked face. "Why ya drinkin' water?" I asked innocently. No reply. "Could it be because you're secretly Bill Gates?!" I ripped off his hood and was shocked to see, not Bill, but Haldir. "Damn, that was unexpected."

Haldir frantically tried to replace the hood of his MADE sweatshirt (think Joel from GC). "Milady, I'll give you anything if you do not reveal my presence to anyone. I was nearly raped earlier!"

I thought about it for a moment. "Hmm… OK. But you have to be my personal slave for the remainder of the trip."

He sighed, muttered something in elvish which, roughly translated means, 'I'd rather be raped' and nodded. 

"Yay!" I squealed. I grabbed his hand and took him to show to all my friends. I had an elf slave!

I saw Christy and drug Haldir over. "Oy! Christy! Look what I got! And he said I could keep him!"

She looked over and her eyes grew to about twice their size. She was like a cat. Because, ya know, they have large, creepy eyes… Horses too. "H-H-H-Haldir?!"

"Lady Christine?"

"Uh… dude, her name is Christy."

"Do you two know each other?" Merry asked suspiciously.

She shook her head no. Then it was Haldir's turn to open his eyes in shock and disbelief. "Milady?"

"Christy, is there something you'd like to share with us?" I asked.

A/N: *begs at reader's feet* I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'M SORRY!!! Yeah, sorry it took me so long to get this up. But I've had a lot of crap on my plate with horses and dogs and my sister… OK, I lied; I've just been lazy. 


	15. Little Lost Ones

**Chapter 15: Little Lost Ones**

**A/N:** Arg! I hate Vanessa! Her chapter sux camel balls! I can't believe she did that to me! *starts crying* *Haldir comes over to comfort me* "You started this!" I yell. "Oh well." *Snuggles into Haldir* He he! We should probably be getting to where we're going soon and I haven't even started another storyline I wanted to do in here (and probably won't get to do!) Darn Vanessa.

**A/N2:** **_YOU KNOW YOU LOVE ME, CHRISTY!_**

**Disclaimer**: 

Legolas: Vanessa, I don't want to wear this!

Me: Oh, come on out and let me be the judge of that.

Legolas: Do I have to?

Me: *sighs* Yes.

Legolas: *walks out in tight pants, no shirt, and royal crown* 

Me: Aww… you look all grown up. Now do the disclaimer.

Legolas: Vanessa and Christy are poor. Vanessa now has to go and buy more tape for all her pretty new posters and has no more money. So don't bother suing.

 "We're not in class, smart one!" I said, trying frantically to come up with some excuse for knowing Haldir.

"I know that!" Vanessa retorted. "Now answer the question!"

"You must have mistaken me for someone else," I suggested to Haldir in a seemingly innocent voice. While I was saying this, I sent Haldir a glare that said, "we'll talk later! Just agree right now!"

"Yes," Haldir said slowly. "I must have. Now that I think about it Lady Christine was taller than you."

"Thank Eru he caught on!" I silently gave thanks.

"So you're saying I'm short?!" I asked, feigning offense. 

"What?! No, no. Uh… of course not," he stuttered.

"Ha! I got the elf! Hehehe!" I laughed while Haldir looked confused.

"Don't worry about it," Vanessa murmured. "She's psycho."

"Yes I am!" I agreed and started singing 'Row, row, row your boat'."

"Umm…moving on…" Vanessa said before dragging Haldir away.

            ***

"Are you sure? Please say you mind!" Merry begged me, trying to get out of dancing with Random Chick #12 who was trying to drag him to the dance floor.

I grinned evilly and went back to my Daqari (the alcohol was taking effect). "Have fun!" I winked at him.

"That was not very nice," I heard Haldir comment from behind me, causing me to jump.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"Hiding from Vanessa." (A/N2: Gasp! But you love me, Haldir!!!)

"Ah. You poor elf," I sympathized. "You should never have agreed to be her "personal slave," buddy."

"Just hide me!" Haldir begged.

"OK, follow me. We'll find you a costume to save your silver-haired ass," I instructed him.

We went down to the ship's store and I thought of what Haldir should be disguised as; Dr. Jackson from Stargate SG-1. 

"Let's see if it works," I whispered. "Wait until I'm sitting down again to come in." I took one last look at him before I ventured back to my seat.

I remembered that Kitty also had a thing for the archeologist/linguist. "Oh no! I hope she doesn't see him!" I thought as I scanned the room for the Smurf. I breathed a sigh of relief when I found her; she was busy trying to defend poor Leggy from all the men chasing him. Nothing for me to worry about, unless Vanessa found out what I had done.

Haldir walked in and went straight to the bar, not looking at me, and ordered a rum and coke like I told him to do. About 5 minutes later, Vanessa came over to my table.

"Unless you're bringing a margarita or daiquiri, go away," I told her before she said anything. She left and returned with a pina colada, a margarita, and a daiquiri for me and a beer for herself.

"There? Happy now?" she asked sarcastically.

"Yes!" I replied smiling. "Now what did you want anyway?"

"Have you seen Haldir recently?" she inquired looking around.

"No, not really," I answered, scanning the crowd with her. Unlike her, I knew where to look and still couldn't find him. "Sorry."

"It's OK," she assured me. "I'll keep looking."

            ***

By 11 the party started to winding down and by midnight DJ Steve was saying the party was officially over and everyone had to leave so the crew could clean up. That didn't mean anyone really went to bed. We all went back to our rooms to change into normal clothes (and in Kitty's case, wash off). I think Haldir was still avoiding Nessa as I hadn't seen him the rest of the night.

After the guys got cleaned up, they unanimously decided to go to the bar for a "guy's night out." We girls decided to let them go so we could talk. I didn't feel much like talking so I excused myself, grabbed a jacket, and walked up to the deck to look at the stars again.

I sat on a lawn chair, glad that I had changed into my jeans. Slowly I started to fall asleep, the motion of the ship rocking me. I didn't sleep for long though. *Poke*

"Oww!" I yelled and jumped up, looking for whoever poked me. "What did you do that for?!"

"Because we need to talk." I whirled around to find Haldir.

"Ah! Don't do that!"

"What?"

"Never mind. Talk away."

"Why did you tell me your name was 'Lady Christine'?" he asked, sounding hurt.

"Hey, buddy, you decided I was 'Lady Christine'! I only said my name was 'Christine', which is true," I defended myself. "Christy is a shortened version of Christine."

"So you didn't lie to me?"

"No, silly!" I laughed.

"Then why did you deny knowing me earlier?""

"Because I have a relationship I need to break off before we can be together," I explained. "Do you forgive me?"

"Of course. Go ahead and find him if you want to do that now," Haldir replied, hugging me.

"Yeah, I should probably do it now," I agreed. "I'll be back in a little bit."

            ***

After searching a few bars, I finally found the right one, unfortunately. Once again, the fellowship had discovered the "wonder of karaoke." Gandalf and Gimli were singing a duet of "Girls and Boys" by Good Charlotte; it was rather scary. I went into the bar and ordered a martini then grabbed Merry and pulled him away from Éomer who had suddenly appeared and decided to try his 'male child rapist' act on a hobbit and poor Merry couldn't escape.

"Merry… there's something I've been meaning to talk to you about," I told him.

"What?" he asked then took a chug on his beer.

"Uh…I don't really know how to say this, but…uh…well I don't really love you the same way I used to," I finished hurriedly.

"What do you mean?" he asked, confused. "Do you want a divorce or something?! Pippin told me to expect this eventually!"

"Stop screaming! You're getting stared at!" I hissed at him. "And, I'm not trying to be mean, but the thing with divorces is that you have to be _officially_ married to get one."

"What do you mean?" He was even more confused now.

"Well, see, the Elvis impersonator wasn't really licensed to perform marriages," I confessed. "It was just to make me feel better about what we were going to do later that night. Do you hate me?"

"No," he assured me. "I kinda suspected something was up. I think 'Elvis' has a bit too much pipe weed that day and also you haven't been paying as much attention to me as you did at first. And then, there is that girl that you let drag me off earlier."

I grinned sheepishly. "Sorry about that. So are we still friends?"

"Yes."

"OK, good." I breathed a sigh of relief. "Now, could you get your stuff out of my room?"

"Anything to get away from Éomer and the Horrific Duo over there!" He pointed to Gandalf and Gimli, now onto the Barney Theme Song; never a good song but even worse when sung by them.

            ***

After helping Merry get his stuff out of my room and explaining why Haldir's was in there (we had to stash it somewhere!) I ran back up to the deck and jump Haldir from behind.

"All better now?" he asked as I jumped down.

"Yep!" I replied and kissed him long and good.

We probably stayed on the deck kissing, hugging, and talking for close to 2 more hours, until the martini wore off and I started to get tired again.

"Where am I to sleep?" Haldir asked. "I am Vanessa's slave yet I am bound to you." (A/N: Don't ask about the "bound to you" thing. I am exhausted right now and running on what little adrenaline is left in my system)

"Well, I doubt Aragorn would much appreciate a male sleeping in the same room as Vanessa, and I have another bed in my room, you can sleep in there," I reasoned.

            ***

"Alright, here it is- home sweet home," I said, unlocking my door and leading Haldir in. "This is my bed and you can sleep over in the other one." I quickly went to the bathroom to change into my pink "monkey business" PJ's.

I kissed Haldir good-night one more time and crawled into my cold bed, wishing for Haldir's warmth. I guess elves can read minds cuz as soon as I wished that, I felt his warm body wrap around mine and I soon fell fast asleep, oblivious to the world.

**A/N:** OK, sucky for y'all, good for me. I know, once again Nessa was screaming but I don't care. I've had a bad week and I needed to make myself better. I also could have gotten myself in trouble at the end- walk in with Haldir and find Nessa waiting. That would not be good so I didn't write it. 

**A/N2:** It sure would have been easier for me! Because I had a heck of a hard time deciding on what to write! *sigh* Oh well. I want to take the time now to thank our reviewers (I think we still have some at least!)

**Brittany**: Brittany! I'm glad you found us and I hope Christy and I don't scare you too much! See you at school! Or on your birthday if I don't get grounded…

**PrincessEvenstar: **Howdy!** I'm glad you're enjoying our fic! Yeah, Christy _was_ in trouble until she wrestled her way out of it. Thanks for reviewing!**

**Kits**: Kitty, I'm gonna hurt you! Tehehe. Actually, you didn't review last chapter. So why am I talking to you? 

**Me**: Me? Who the heck is 'Me'? Is that you Christy? If it is…hi!

Also, I would like to announce that I have changed my penname. Instead I will be **Wandering Prophet. Meh, I might change it back but for now that's who I am. Oh, and for all of you who are, or might become, Breegirls fans; Kristin and De have joined back up to give fan fiction one last try!**


	16. Drunkenness Is Bliss

**Chapter 16: Drunkenness Is Bliss **

**A/N: **You little whore! I hate you! I hate you! Tehe, you know I love you, girl! Anyway, I'm here at G-ma's supposedly doing yearbook homework. Who the hell gets homework in yearbook? Me when your staff doesn't do their spreads. Well, at least I have Vinnie. *mumbles about stupid "co-editor"* I need a hug. Also, I hate this chapter. I just thought you would like to know.

**Disclaimer: **

Me: I own nothing and neither does Christy. 

Legolas: Well, don't you kind of own yourselves? Or does Tolkien own you too?

Haldir: *cringes* Scary thought.

Me: Well thanks!

"I've got a lovely bunch of- what was it again? Oh yeah! - coconuts!" I sang at the top of my voice drunkenly. Everyone had long since left me so I was out to find my way to my room by myself. Problem: I was smashed and couldn't remember a thing.

"Hmm… kinda looks like my door. Hey, they all look like my door!" I laughed. I turned the knob and walked right in. Flicking on the lights I had a look around, and guess what? It wasn't my room, but rather Christy's.

"Holy sh-" I screamed. There, in one bed was my best friend and my slave. "Ahhh!!!" I ran away as fast as I could seeing as how you don't run too well when drunk. At the moment though all I wanted to do was find my room.

I don't know exactly how long I ran/stumbled but the next thing I know I'm at another bar. "Well, when in Rome!"

"Hey! Bartender duuuuude! Heeeeey! I wanna beer!"

No one showed up. 

Alright, if they want to be jerks who was I to stop them? So instead I watched the karaoke going on. Oddly enough, the men singing looked awfully familiar. Then it hit me like a sack of potatoes.

"Gimli? Gandalf?"

10 pairs of eyes whirled around to meet mine. "Vanessa?" a particularly sexy voice called.

"My name is not 'Vanessa' it's 'Space Chipmunk!'" I laughed.

Aragorn pushed his way through the crowd and came over to me. "Vanessa, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in bed or something?"

"Well, I would if I knew where my room was! I went looking for it earlier but only found Christy and Haldir in a bed together. I'll have to have a talk with him later…"

Aragorn blinked at my drunken mini-rant and picked me up. "Let's just get you in bed."

"Can't I have one more beer? Pwease…"

"No, I think you've had quite enough for tonight."

"Technically it's not tonight though, it's tomorrow. Therefore I deserve a beer because I've been a good girl."

"I beg to differ," he retorted.

"Hey! At least you don't find me in bed with some stranger I only met 6 hours ago!"

"True," he said thoughtfully. "Here we are." He put me down long enough to unlock the door and get me inside.

"Hey, this is a really nice room," I said looking around. "Wait a minute, this is my room! Either that or these people have really good taste in clothes." I snorted and laughed so hard that my side hurt.

Aragorn rolled his eyes and turned to leave.

"You're not leaving me are you?"

"Yes."

"NO!" I cried and flung myself at his feet. "Don't leave me!"

He sighed and closed the door. "And why, may I ask, can I not leave?"

"Because I'm…uhh… afraid of the dark?"

"No you're not."

"Umm… yes I am?" I smiled guiltily and he looked down at me sternly. "Sheesh, you remind me of my dad when you do that! And anyway, if I can't drink neither can you!"

He sat down next to me on the bed. "I suppose the others will understand if I stay here and not go back. Besides, Gimli sings like a banshee," he replied in a hushed tone.

"Yay!" I huggled (don't ask) him. I then grabbed my PJ's (no, not my Peter Jackson's!) and went into the bathroom to change. I could tell the alcohol was wearing off because I managed to make it into the room without stumbling and falling. Go me!

I saw Aragorn lying on the bed (hands off, ladies! Tehe!) already. "You're on my side," I said, standing over him.

He cocked open an eyes and replied, "that's too bad."

"Move, biotch!" I laughed as I tried to push him over. It was to no avail. "Fine, I'll just sleep on the _other_ side."

He rolled over.

"No that was naughty!" I said in my Sean Connery voice (A/N: Think him in The League of Extraordinary Men). "Alright, if that's how you're gonna be!" I smiled evilly. This was gonna be so much fun.

            ***

"Morning all!" I greeted everyone at breakfast. They all mumbled some sort of response or something. "Nice to see I'm loved," I said sarcastically. "Haldir, slave, go get me breakfast."

He rose from the table after letting out an irritated sigh and I took his place next to Christy.

"That's Haldir's spot," she said to me.

"I know," I replied.

"So move!"

"Naw, I like it here."

The silver-haired elf/tortured one returned after a few minutes carrying a plate of waffles loaded with syrup. He set it down in front of me and forced a smile. "What did you do to it, elf?"

"Nothing," he said, a bit too quickly.

I eyed him warily and started eating.

"I'm tired," Aragorn said. "Thanks to Vanessa."

"Aww! Come on, we're eating!" Merry cried.

"You're such a perv!" I yelled at the hobbit.

Aragorn opened his mouth to make some sort of response but I cut him off. "And you have no one to blame but yourself you know."

            ***

"Should we tell them?" Haldir whispered to Christy.

"Well, not now. They'll find out in time."

"Are you sure?"

"Sure about what?" I asked loudly, interrupting their semi-private conversation or whatever you want to call it.

"Nothing," Christy said hurriedly.

"Riiiight," I muttered.

"Hey! You're the woman from last night!" a strange man cried from the table next to us, pointing at Legolas.

"I'm a _male_," Legolas sighed.

"Oh," the man sighed, sounding a bit put out.

"Prove it, Leggy!" I shouted. "I agree with the man; you could pass for a woman."

"Vanessa!" he snapped.

"Oh.. I think she's PMSing!"

Legolas tossed his hair, stood up, and stormed out of the cafeteria. "Did I say something wrong?" I laughed.

**A/N: **God this chapter sux. Humph. Oh well. Oh, and I added the Legolas hair flip just for you guys Christy, Kitty, and Kiehler! Eeee! But Aragorn's is better, ya know. Anyway, goooo Christy! *smacks Aragorn's arse and runs off into the night.*

I would like to thank all the reviewers at this time. Actually, I can't get on-line right now to thank you all individually seeing as how EV1.net is evil and will not let me on-line. But, if you're not me or my meddlesome sister and her friends, and you're reading this, that means I _was_ able to get on-line and update. Duh.


	17. Kisses and SemiEmpty Threats

**Chapter 17: Kisses and Semi-Empty Threats**

**A/N: **Vanessa, that was an… umm… interesting chapter. Why are Haldir and I being so secretive? I lub him, he lub me, everybody happy! It's all gonna come out now! But _how_ is the question. Oh, and a few things about Vanessa's chapter: 1, it was _7_ hours since I met him; 2, I'm not the one who glomped Pippin after meeting him (fic #1 reference); 3, we _didn't_ do anything!!! So nyah! *blows raspberry*

**A/N2: **Does anybody else see that as a personal attack on me? *cries* Oh well, at least I have my personality.

**Disclaimer:**

Legolas: *reading A/L slash from one of my many LJ communities* What?! I would never do that to Aragorn!

Haldir: *reading another fic* What?! I would never do that to Rú mil!

Elladan: *reading yet again another fic* What?! Elrohir! Somebody was watching! (I'm sorry! I couldn't resist!)

Me: Christy and I own nothing but ourselves, maybe. But who wants to own themselves? It doesn't sound at all glamorous. And why are so many elves reading slash & RPS fics from my LJ?

"What did you do that for?!" Kitty shouted before taking her plate of food and going after her husband.

"Geez, I thought it was funny," Vanessa muttered.

"Well it wasn't," Courtney told her and went back to her food.

"Now move!" I demanded and shoved Nessa off her chair. Haldir quickly sat down, handed Vanessa her waffles when she stood up, and gave me a high five.

Vanessa scoffed and sat down next to Aragorn, pouting like a 2-year-old. "You're so mean to me."

"Hey!" I protested. "I never said I was a nice person. You must have assumed that and you know what happens when you assume: you make an 'ass' out of 'u' and 'me'!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah…" Vanessa grumbled and ate another waffle.

The rest of breakfast passed by pretty uneventfully compared to the beginning, meaning we had an obligatory food fight.

Later, after we had run out of the cafeteria and gotten clean, we all met out on the deck. Kitty had convinced Legolas to come, though he was still pissed at Vanessa.

"I'm sorry, OK?" Vanessa told the offended elf.

"That may be, but there was no excuse for what you said," he pouted.

"Get over it already," I demanded. "She was joking. If you can't take it, don't give it."

Legolas muttered under his breath in Elvish which prompted a discussion in Elvish between Legolas, Aragorn, and Haldir (Gandalf was too busy humming 'Girls and Boys' to join in).

"Does anyone else feel left out?!" I complained. I pulled on Haldir's arm. "What are y'all talking about?"

"Quiet child," he told me before returning to conversation.

I scoffed. "I will not!" I protested. "And I am no child!"

"Yes, you're defiantly a child," he retorted. "Otherwise…" He whispered something in my ear.

I (playfully) slapped his arm and said, "What makes you think I won't?"

"Because you're a child."

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"You're both children!" Alex shouted in attempt to quiet us.

"Shut up!" we replied and went back to bickering.

"Ahh!" Alex screamed and walked off.

"What's his problem?" I asked confused. While Kitty just laughed I ran after Alex.

"Hey, where ya going?"

"Away from you," he replied.

I put an arm around his shoulder and made him turn around, pulling him back to where everyone else was. "You know you love me!"

He looked at me, deadpan, and said, "No I don't."

"Well, fine," I pouted. "At least Haldir does." I put my arm around his waist.

"Get your hands off my slave!" Vanessa exclaimed.

"I don't gotta!" I retorted and hugged him closer.

"Leave him alone," she quietly threatened.

"She doesn't have to," Haldir defended me.

"You dare speak back to me, slave?!" Vanessa rounded on Haldir.

"Yes."

"Aragorn!" Vanessa suddenly whined. "My slave isn't being nice to me!"

"What do you want me to do about it?" Strider asked, clearly mused.

"Kick his hott elven ass!"

"No."

"'No'? Everybody is turning against me; my best friend, my slave, and my HASRWANB!" she wailed. "I need a beer! Maybe 2. Frodo, go get me a beer."

"Why me?" the annoying hobbit whined. "Why not Sam?"

"Cuz I said you. Now go!"

Frodo did eventually leave, clearly unhappy, grumbling the entire way.

"Man, it's really windy out today!" Courtney complained as Legolas's hair hit her in the face for the umpteenth million time.

Kitty and I looked at each other.

"… Everybody knows it's Windy! Bum-bum-bum-bum-bum! Windy has stormy eyes that flash at sound of lies. And Windy has wings to fly above the clouds!" we sang enthusiastically.

"Dear Eru! Save me!" Vanessa lamented. "What did I do to deserve _this_?!"

"You met _them_." Alex pointed at Kitty and myself still singing away happily. "Same as me."

We continued singing until we finished the song.

"Now what?" Kitty asked me.

Instead of replying I just continued singing. "Sugar. Bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum. Ah, honey, honey."

"The Archies!" Courtney exclaimed and joined Kitty and I in singing 'Sugar, sugar.'

"Oh, no!" Gimli cried. "Not her too!"

"Shut up, Mr. Karaoke!" Vanessa snapped. "Aragorn, save me!"

Aragorn rolled his eyes and announced that he was going to the bar.

"Ooh! Alcohol!" I squealed after we finished singing. "Lets go!"

                ***

About noon we were all drunk, with the exception of Kitty. While we were all getting drunk on alcohol she was getting "drunk on life" (yeah right). We all got so smashed we started singing again, Vanessa included, this time from "My Fair Lady" (which we do not own).

"The Lord above made alcohol to see if man could resist temptation. The Lord above made alcohol to see if man could resist temptation, but with a little bit of luck, you'll give right in! With a little bit, with a little bit, with a little bit, with a little bit, with a little bit of luck you'll give right in!" We sang over and over, the guys joining in when they learned the words and we prodded them into it.

When we finished, I guess Gandalf got caught up in the moment because he, once again, gave Vanessa a big kiss. Ewww! The rest of us just about died from laughing while Vanessa frantically tried to rinse her mouth out with beer and Gandalf turned bright red. When Vanessa felt her mouth was washed sufficiently out she started yelling again.

"Don't you dare touch me again! Don't even look at me! Don't even think about me! Don't do anything even remotely related to me!" she screamed and Gandalf. "And the rest of you! Never mention that again! And stop laughing!"

This only made us laugh harder. Then the "Trevor Stampede" made it's way into the bar.

"Help me! Please! Someone please help me!" Trevor called out, still running for his life. I felt really bad for him. I ran over and grabbed him and dragged him behind the bar. I don't know how I did it without them noticing but I did. After I completed my task I walked back and sat down next to Haldir.

"I thought you were leaving me for a minute there," he remarked. "With as fast as you ran after that guy."

"I could never leave you," I told him and kissed him. Too late, I remembered that no one else knew we were together; oops!

"Oops…" I whispered to Haldir who nodded in agreement.

"What?!" Vanessa cried (A/N: Remember, she doesn't remember anything because she was smashed the night before; Aragorn too). "My best friend and my slave? TOGETHER?! When did this happen?!"

"Yesterday, obviously. That's when I met him," I answered.

"But…but…but… he's _my slave_!" she protested.

"Only for the remainder to the voyage," I reminded her. "Then you have no _power _over him and he's all mine." I grinned happily.

"Waaah!" Vanessa cried. "That's not how it's supposed to be! He's supposed to be _mine_!"

"What?" Aragorn asked raising an eyebrow.

It was Vanessa's turn to mutter "Ooops!", with a less than happy ending (she didn't get Haldir).

**A/N: **There! Finally done! I would have been done earlier except for all the notes we had in Mr. D's class. Well, it was fun and don't forget to review! And I don't know why but I felt like being mean to Vanessa. It was fun! *Runs away with Haldir*

**A/N2: **We could tell you felt like being 'mean to Vanessa'! Bah-humbug! Anyway, that was Christy's last chapter for this fic. But do not be sad, for my chapter is next! And let me tell ya, it's a doozy! Why the hell did I just say, "doozy"? Who says _that_?! *sigh* Man, I need some sleep. Well, please, please, please review and I'll love you forever. (Lets just hope Orlando Bloom, Viggo Mortensen, and Karl Urban were reading!)

I dunno if anyone reviewed or not seeing as how I just posted chapter 16 4 hours ago. Well, I'll just post this when I get back from my Dad's house.


	18. A Pirate's Life Kinda Sux

**Chapter 18: A Pirate's Life Kinda Sux**

**A/N**: Jeez, does anyone else think that chapter was particularly mean to me? And what did I do to deserve that? Wait for it, wait for it… Anyway, this shall be the last chapter of this fic; we wanna start our new one. Personally, I'll be sad to see it go. This fic was full of good times, and not to mention bad. Man, now I'm getting all teary eyed. Meh, it may also be because the end of LOTR has finally hit me. *cries*

**Disclaimer:**

Me: I'm too tired to do this. Legolas, you do it.

Legolas: *wearing a punk belt, skater shoes, and a black hoodie* Duuuude, I'm a skater punk and an elf!!! (Thanks to Kits for that!)

Me: … OK.

Legolas: Dude! They like so totally rock! Wait, I mean, they own nothing! Tshyeah! 

Me: … *smacks forehead and wishes she had never told him what a skater punk was*

I laughed nervously as Aragorn looked sternly down at me. "I-I-I… uhhh… damn, I got nothing." Then I remembered that I had to yell at a certain blond elf. "And why, Haldir, did you not tell me you were kinda "with" her?"

"He shuffled his feet around. "Uhh... No comment?"

I smiled innocently. "Come on Haldir, good buddy, you can tell Nessa." I grabbed his arm just in case he tried to run away. "Wow, you sure have some big muscles buddy."

"I shan't tell you anything," he replied.

"Damn!" I sulked back to Aragorn who still glared at me. "Uhhh… you know I love you, right?" I smiled guiltily up at him.

He rolled his eyes and then smiled. "Why can I no stay mad at you very long?!" (A/N: If Christy can do it, so can I! Mwahahaha!)

"Because I'm cute!" I said jokingly. (A/N: Look! I'm cute! *snorts*)

Christy scoffed. "That's what you think!"

"Shut your mouth, child! I ain't talking to you!" I screamed at her. Here I was, minding my own business, trying to get my HASRWANB to forgive me, and she's making cracks at me. Great.

I stuck my tongue out at her and then turned back to Aragorn. "'I love you Vanessa.' Come on, say it with me now. 'I love Vanessa.'"

"I'm in love with Arwen," he said.

"Excuse me?!" I screamed. "Don't you ever, ever, EVER mention her, it's, name in my presence again! Do you here me?!"

To my surprise, he started laughing. He was laughing. At a time like this. I swear, I will never understand men. Why can't men be more like women? (It's from my Fair Lady.)

"I always wondered how you would react to something like that," he said.

I glared at him. Him and his morbid curiosity. That was low. Just oh so low. "Oh. And did you enjoy it?"

"Yes, very much so," he replied, smirking.

"Good because you're not going to enjoy this!" I ran and jumped on his back, wrapped my legs around him and tried hitting him. Key word: tried.

Apparently he thought it was funny because he was once again laughing at me. "Vanessa, get down, you're not hurting me."

"I know," I grunted. "But it sure as hell makes me feel better.

The next thing I know I'm laying on my back and Aragorn is in my face. "Owwies…" I mumbled.

"I told you to get off did I not?"

"How did you do that?" I asked.

"I'm a ranger; I'm next in line to Ilúvatar." He smiled and shrugged.

                ***

"All personnel to the main deck!" a man said urgently over the PA system. "All guests please retrieve your life vests and come up to the deck."

"What's going on?" I asked.

"Is it a test?" Courtney asked too.

"I dunno, but maybe we should do what he says," Kitty replied. (A/N: Ugh, sorry Kits, I didn't mean to make you seem so OOC)

Everyone ran to their rooms and retrieved their bright orange life jackets. Gimli was having some difficulty getting his on but Gandalf was trying hard to help him.

We raced up to the deck and started trying to get some answers. The whole top deck was in a state of utter chaos. 

I grabbed the closest employee and shoved him against the wall. "What's going on here?!"

"N-n-n-nothing to be alarmed about, miss," he said and tried to escape from my grasp. Heh, foolish mortal!

"Nothing?! Then why the hell are we up here at 10 pm with our frickin' life jackets?! It's bloody cold out here!"

"I'm not the one you should be questioning, miss," he said quickly. Somehow he managed to escape my grasp and he ran away holding his neck.

"Is-is- does the ship look as though it's closer to the water to you guys?" Legolas, the observant one, asked.

We all rushed to the side and looked out. Indeed we were closer to the water's surface. "OMG, the boat's sinking!" someone cried.

"Aww… crap," Kitty mumbled.

"What do we do?" a panic stricken Frodo asked.

"I dunno!" I retorted. "Abandon ship?"

"Is that absolutely necessary?" Sam asked, fiddling around with the buckles on his jacket. "I can't swim."

"That's why you wear the vest," Christy said. "So all you do is kick and paddle until you reach shore."

"If it's alright with you, I think I'll stay on board until they get all of this straightened out. They can get a boat to umm… un-sink, right?" Sam asked hesitantly.

"You keep tellin' yourself that," I replied. "Alrighty, campers, that a'way to 'safety'; all you _chickens _can stay here and die! Mwahahaha!"

We all jumped, or belly-flopped if you will, into the water. Although, Legolas, being the showoff he is, dived in. (Think Capt. Jack Sparrow when he dives in after Elizabitch. Oops! Wait, I mean Elizabeth, forgive me)

For hours everyone swam/splashed to the nearest hunk o land. So it was dark when we reached the island. Upon reaching it, everyone promptly fell asleep due to exhaustion.

The next morning I opened my eyes and was pleasantly surprised by the sight. There, before me, asleep, was my slave, Haldir. His shirt/tunic was torn and wet so it stuck to him like a second skin. Ooo… yummy!

"I knew you loved me!" I cried, startling him awake.

"Ack!" I thought you were Christy!"

"Naw, you knew who I was. You love me!" I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him close. He threw me off though. Mean, evil elf.

When everyone else had awoken (and unfortunately all 15 of us had survived) I went and sought out Aragorn.

"Aragorn/Strider/Estel! When the hell are you going to kick his blond, elven ass?!" I yelled and pointed at Haldir.

                ***

"Hey, look! Rum!" Kitty cried from down below.

"RUM?!" Christy and I exclaimed. "Bring it up! Bring it up!!!"

3 hours later…

"Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!" we all sang drunkenly, with the exception of Kitty of course, around a fire Aragorn had built.

"I wonder," Courtney said, "how did the rum get here?"

"As far as I can tell," Christy expertly replied, "the rum traders came back after Elizabeth burned it all." (A/N: Leave alone, its 2 am and I sure hell don't care whether or not it could happen!)

"How can one burn this stuff? It is essential to live!" a smashed Sam said.

"Right…" Legolas retorted.

I chugged down the remainder of my drink and reached for another. Gasp! There were none! "Hey, why don't you guys go down and get us another box?"

They agreed, opened the hatch and went in.

15 minutes later they still had not returned. "Do you think we should go check on them?" Courtney asked.

"Good idea, Court. You do it," Kitty said from her spot under a shady tree.

Court mumbled some sort of reply but went anyway. When she came back though, she was shocked. "They're gone!"

"Nooo!!!" we four girls cried.

"Yes!" Alex exclaimed. "I'm free!"

"Shut up!!!"

**A/N:** I was going to have this part about where Bill Gates comes and rescues us but I thought not because it involves a real person. Hehe. Well, there ya have it. The end of fic #5. Thank God… Anyway, the next fic should be up soon. But I should warn you, it's going to be a LOTR/Stargate SG-1 cross over. Well, kinda, sorta, not really. Meh, there are like 5 chapters that we interact with them. Whatever just read it.

I just want to thank all the reviewers we've had during the course of this fic. I love you guys and I'm sure Christy would say the same. It's been almost a year now since we started writing together and we most likely would have stopped a long time ago had it not been for you lovely reviewers. Much love, sisters (and bros if there are any dudes)! 


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